5 Ways We Create Our Own Personal Hell And What To Do About It

If you stop by my home, there’s a good chance you will either hear praise music or Metallica shaking my windows. My heart feels raw and full when I’m in the lightest of my light and when I’m expressing my darkness (in respectful ways, of course). I jokingly like to refer to myself as a woman of range.

It wasn’t always that way.  For many years, I felt stuck and frustrated as I constantly tamed myself to fit into an acceptable little box. I judged the parts of me that weren’t happy with said box, and I beat myself up for wanting more.

It wasn’t until I realized that my proverbial box was self-designed and self-maintained, that my life began to change. The hell I was living daily wasn’t crippling, because that would make it obvious. It was just painful enough to feel like it was slowly suffocating my soul while flying under the radar. 

I’ve spent well over a decade evolving into a more authentic version of myself and coaching professional women to do the same. In that time, I’ve discovered 5 key ways that we create our own personal hell (i.e., our box). Here’s what I wish I knew sooner: 

1. It’s easy to ignore our feelings.

It’s normal for us to repress our emotions as kids because our nervous systems aren’t fully developed. Then we grow up and continue the habit. The problem is, these stored emotions are one of the main causes of stress. They cloud your intuition, dampen your creativity, and make it difficult to connect with people. They sabotage your performance when you have to do something uncomfortable like making new friends, and they slowly zap your energy.

2. Our perceptions of the past can shape the way we see our future.

Every situation we have experienced has taught us a subconscious life lesson. Some are accurate and supportive lessons that have helped you create the success you experience today. Many of those stories were interpreted by a younger version of you that didn’t understand the whole story. Those fragmented stories created lessons that sabotage your success and make it difficult to move forward in a new direction. Imagine the 9-year-old version of you showing up at work. I’d bet she isn’t creating a peaceful and empowering day. 

3. Our inner circle can make us or break us.

If we are not conscious of it, we can create the same types of relationships in our life over and over again. None of us had perfect childhoods. We tend to attract relationships that mimic what we experienced as kids because it feels normal to us. I can’t tell you how many women have reached out to me for support in changing their careers and realized the cause of their distress was an overlooked issue in their relationship.

4. Chasing life is more common than flowing with it.

It’s easy to allow our fears to run the show. Our brain decides what needs to be done and then we force ourselves to do whatever it takes to make that happen. We think it reduces our anxiety, but it puts us into a state of stress, burnout, and discontent. We all have a higher guidance system that can allow us to surrender to life’s natural flow. 

5. Most of us aren’t taught to connect the dots between our choices and our spiritual beliefs.

We all crave a sense of purpose. That depth comes from living in accordance with our beliefs. Most of us don’t have the time or the energy to reflect on what we believe, let alone how we can honor those beliefs in our daily routines, our goals, and our vision for the future. 

All growth starts with radical honesty. What is bubbling up for you? What truths are trying to make themselves known? 

Regardless of what comes up, you are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment. There is no right or wrong way to live your life. 

Stay aware of the gentle nudges you receive to see, feel, and act differently. It only takes a few baby steps in a new direction to begin a ripple of transformation. 

TAKE ACTION: When you’re ready to shift those baby steps into quantum leaps forward, I invite you to schedule a no-cost consultation with me. There’s no reason to evolve on your own. You’ll go further faster with the proper support. Let’s break that box together.