The Dark Night of the Soul: What It Really Means

We hear it everywhere in spiritual spaces. Someone going through a tough season will say, “I must be in a dark night of the soul.” Teachers like Eckhart Tolle reference it. Instagram is full of posts about surviving it. But what does it really mean? And how do you know if you’re experiencing one?

The truth is, the phrase “dark night of the soul” has deep roots. It wasn’t invented by modern spirituality or self-help culture. It was first written about in the 16th century by St. John of the Cross, a Spanish mystic and poet. For him, the “dark night” wasn’t just a bad patch of life. It was the spiritual passage between who you thought you were and the deeper truth waiting to be revealed.

Where the Term Comes From

St. John described the “dark night” as a stripping away of all the illusions, comforts, and attachments that keep us distracted from the divine. In his poems and writings, it wasn’t framed as punishment, but as purification, the soul being prepared to live in deeper alignment.

Fast-forward to today, and many people use the phrase casually to describe a rough time. But in its essence, the dark night of the soul is specifically about spiritual disorientation, when your old ways of finding meaning no longer work, and you haven’t yet found new ones.

What It Feels Like

So how do you know if what you’re experiencing is a “dark night” rather than just burnout or a slump? While every experience is unique, common themes include:

• A deep loss of meaning, things that once motivated you now feel hollow.
• A sense of emptiness or disconnection from joy and passion. 
• Old coping strategies (work, relationships, habits) stop providing comfort. 
• A feeling of being in the dark with no map.

This is where the comparison with depression often comes in. They can feel similar. But while depression is a clinical condition that deserves professional treatment and care, the “dark night” is best understood as a spiritual passage, often triggered by awakening, loss, or deep questioning. In reality, the two can overlap, which is why compassionate support is always important, no matter the label.

Why It Happens

From a spiritual perspective, the dark night isn’t punishment. It’s more like an initiation. Think of it as your inner world being reset. Old identities, attachments, and survival strategies are being dismantled because they can’t carry you forward.

• The job title that once gave you worth may feel meaningless.
• The relationship that defined you may no longer fit.
• The beliefs that once offered security may feel too small.

It’s confronting, because the very things you leaned on for identity and safety are the ones being stripped away. But underneath the loss, something truer is trying to emerge.

How to Move Through It

The biggest trap is to think you can “fix” or “fast-track” your way out of the dark night. This is not a stage you can hack or bypass. Instead, it’s about allowing, supporting, and trusting the process.

Here are a few ways to navigate:

• Don’t rush. Healing and reorientation take time. Give yourself permission to move slowly.
• Seek support. Whether through therapy, spiritual mentoring, or trusted community, being held in safe spaces matters.
• Stay grounded in small rituals. Breathwork, journaling, time in nature, or simply noticing your body can help anchor you in the present moment.
• Reframe the darkness. Instead of seeing it as a failure, hold it as a passage. You are in transition, not broken.

Why It Matters

The dark night of the soul is often the threshold of transformation. It strips away what is false or outdated, even when we cling to it, so that what is real can surface.

In modern life, we often expect spirituality to feel like constant light, love, and expansion. But the dark night reminds us that contraction is part of the cycle too. Death and rebirth aren’t metaphors; they’re lived experiences of the soul.

TAKE ACTION: If you find yourself in a season where nothing feels stable and the old ways no longer work, you may be in a dark night of the soul. This is not a sign you’ve failed but a necessary passage—the dismantling before the remembering, the night before the dawn. As St. John of the Cross taught, the dark night is not the end of the path but the initiation into living from what is most true. Explore how to navigate this transition with compassion through Sacred Remembrance with Michelle Wollaston.