High Performers Are Wired to Lose Joy

High Performers Are Wired to Lose Joy. 
I Rewired Mine in the Basement with a Glitter Paper.

I spent my birthday last month in the basement…
and it was the BEST. DAY. EVER!

Before I get into this, I want to say that I take my “birthday week” seriously. I don’t take any clients that week & load up on spa days & other fabulous ways to treat myself. My birthday week this year was filled with a massage, acupuncture, facial, nails, pedicure, hair cut & a few other goodies. NONE of this came even close to my day in the basement. 

Here’s why…

I recently got the intuitive hit to donate toys to children in the hospital. My whole body lit up with joy at the very thought of this. I discovered a system called the “Jared Box.” Essentially, it’s a plastic shoe-sized box filled with new toys or activities that are age-appropriate. There were 5 different age groups from infant thru pre-teen. 

I decided to create 5 boxes for each age group, for a total of 25 boxes. I spent hours in stores, choosing each toy with intention. I imagined a specific child, small hands tearing open something delightful in a sterile room that smelled like antiseptic and worry. My cart got heavier. My heart got lighter. And on my birthday — my actual birthday — I went down to the basement, lined each bin in glittered tissue paper, placed every toy with care, and decorated the lids with the most ridiculous, joyful stickers I could find.

I sang. I danced. I got teary-eyed.

It was the best birthday of my life.

Not the spa. Not the acupuncture. Not the massage. The basement. The toys. The anonymous act of pouring love into boxes that would never know my name.

I often speak with leaders who are making lots of money but are unhappy. One of the many reasons is a lack of joy in their lives. Unfortunately, so many people think that joy is the outcome of an external event – the purchase of a new car, a significant pay raise, or a massage. Moments like this are great & can amplify our energy. But, generally, it will not give you joy.

WHY? Because joy is an inside job, babe! Did you know that you can cultivate your own joy?? In fact, once you do this, you begin to experience more joy & happiness in all areas of your life. It’s like trying to pour water into a bucket with the lid on it. Once you take the lid off: “Holy shit, the water pours in easily & there’s so much more room for more!”

Joy is not something we wait to feel first – it is something we generate through behaviors that trigger specific neurochemical cascades. In other words, joy is trainable biology.

Here are 5 ways to take the metaphorical lid off your joy bucket & begin to fill it up:

1. Acts of service. Altruistic behavior triggers the brain’s reward circuitry and releases dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Researchers sometimes call this the “helper’s high,” because the brain experiences giving as intrinsically rewarding. Buy coffee for a stranger, leave a big ass tip for your waitress, or personally pick out 200 toys for kids in a hospital. The key here is to experience the donation – NOT just write a check!
2. Dancing in your undies. Moving your body to rhythm boosts neural reward circuits, which is why dancing often produces spontaneous joy. Listen to music that sets your soul free & makes you happy. If you don’t have any, search the internet for “top 10 happy songs.” BOOM. You’ve got a new playlist. (Ok, maybe you can keep your clothes on.)
3. Karaoke (or maybe just singing). Singing regulates breathing through the vagus nerve, improving parasympathetic nervous system activity. This creates the internal conditions where calm, connection, and joy can naturally emerge. Group singing also increases endorphins and oxytocin, which enhances mood and social bonding. OR – you could double down & pair this with dancing in your undies!
4. Laugh, dammit! Laughter triggers a reward pathway in the brain, lowers stress hormones, and increases oxygen intake, producing relaxation and happiness. I like to do this with clients & friends: Set your timer for 2 minutes. Start fake-laughing while looking at each other & it will turn into real laughter very soon. Keep going for 2 whole minutes – I double dog dare you!
5. Gratitude. When people consciously recall things they’re grateful for, brain imaging shows increased activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, associated with reward and emotional regulation. Gratitude also raises dopamine and serotonin, reinforcing positive emotional states. Every night before bed, write down 10 things you are grateful for. You cannot repeat an item from 1 day to the next. Try this for 30 days & watch how your energy shifts!

Here’s the truth bomb: 

You can build the business. You can hit the revenue goals.
You can buy the house, the car, the vacations, the fancy-ass spa days…and still feel like something is missing.

Not because you’re ungrateful. Not because you’re broken. But because somewhere along the way, your nervous system got trained for achievement instead of aliveness.  That shit ends today!

Find Out Where You’ve Gone Quiet

The Leadership Resonance Code Quiz is a free 12-question diagnostic that identifies which of the six pillars is your weakest — your most energetically depleted — right now. It takes less than five minutes, and the result is immediate.

You will receive:

• Your weakest pillar
• Your leadership Archetype
• A custom 15-minute video with instructions on how to get the juices flowing again right now!

Inner Landscape, Vitality, Intuitive Intelligence, Connection, Purpose Alignment, Wealth Capacity — the six pillars aren’t theoretical constructs. They’re the six places where high-performing leaders quietly go dark. And joy, real joy, isn’t something you invite in from the outside. It’s something you build from the inside — with the right tools, the right biology, and the right willingness to actually feel your own life.

If this article gave you a much-needed bitch slap – GOOD. That means you’re ready.

TAKE ACTION: Take the quiz. Find your pillar. Enjoy the damn ride. → Take The Leadership Resonance Code Quiz!