Breaking Free from a Punishing Mind

How to Shift Out of Anguish and Into Peace

There was a long period of my life when all I could do was get through each day. Coping. Keeping my head down and just putting one foot in front of the other (barely). I was a puddle of a human on the floor of life; alone in my misery; financially broke, emotionally broken, and feeling useless and ineffective as a parent and a person. 

At that time, I was embattled by my narcissistic ex-husband involving me in multiple court cases, draining my energy and finances, my teenage daughter ignoring my parental mandates against partying in my home, and my aunt verbally assaulting and attempting to bully me, wanting money for our family cottage. I was exhausted and coping, not living.

My head was filled with deep angst, anguish, depression, and anxiety.  I often used tarot card readings to sort out all of the churn going on inside. My Tarot card practice helped me to see the unseen using energy archetypes and mystery school teachings. But I didn’t have the knowledge or tools to know what else to do about it.  I was focused outside myself, and not on the inner world of desolation I was creating.  

This is an example of what the energy archetype of the Tarot card 10 of Swords represents. In the traditional Rider-Waite Tarot deck, the image shown is horrifying – a human figure lying on a stone slab with ten swords sticking out of their back.  The traditional interpretation of this card is “the punishing mind,” where all of the mental anguish and stress of our experiences culminate in bringing us to our knees – or worse.  In the Suit of Air (how we use and experience our mental faculties), the card also shows us the relationship between the thoughts in our minds and how we experience them in our body, long before science discovered the nature of our epigenetics!

In my case, I was hospitalized for several weeks recovering from stress-related catatonia while I was still in my abusive marriage.  My punishing mind caused me to mentally blow a fuse. Back then, there wasn’t much literature or research on the relationship between our thoughts and our physical reaction to them.  Psychologists and doctors were discovering the physical effects of stress, but mental health was much further behind. Thankfully, today we have a much more expansive understanding of the effects our minds – and emotions – have on our bodies and in our experience of living… and today what’s going on in our minds is even observable.  

The Ten of Swords also represents a massive overdramatization – why use 10 swords to take you down when one would do? When we are full of angst in our minds, things can get blown way out of proportion, overdramatized, and catastrophized. We churn and chew on the same situation or conversation over and over, worry about what the other person thinks, criticize ourselves on what we should’ve said or done or how we missed the perfection mark, how we are being perceived by someone else, or what might happen in all manner of doomsday fear-driven scenarios. The list goes on. 

All of this rumination cultivates a sense of helplessness and disempowerment and reinforces learned victimization. It creates neural pathways of negativity and doom.  It causes us to shrink and to live in fear. Our minds become patterned in looking for the worst in ourselves, others, and situations. Excessive rumination has a significant impact on our mental health and wellness. Luckily, the neuroplasticity of our brains enables us to retrain our brains to shift our thinking habits.

The Ten of Swords also reminds us that our minds are the meaning-makers of our experience. The stories we tell ourselves and the thoughts that we dwell on are very much the clay from which we create our outward experience. In my experience, our inner narrative is the foundation of our mental wellness. Why are we punishing ourselves so much? Why do we stay in suffering unnecessarily?  We don’t need to; you are not your thoughts, and you have the power to change them.

How to Break the Cycle of Rumination

The first step in breaking the cycle of mental churn is to recognize we are doing it and to choose a different pattern. We do not need to be victims of our own thinking. Create a way to introduce a pattern interrupt that gets you out of your head and then use it – a lot! Somatic practices such as breathwork (try box breathing), yoga nidra, art therapy, or simply taking a walk outside and focusing your attention on the birdsong and wind in the trees are examples.

The second step is to consider alternative ways of thinking about what it is that has you so worked up.  Get the churn out of your head. When you do so, you become a witness instead of a participant and can intentionally shift into considering alternative scenarios and what else may be possible. Here are a couple of practices to try:

• Write down your worries on paper, acknowledge them as valid, and set the intention to release them. Tear up the paper ceremoniously and safely burn or flush the paper pieces.  As they leave your presence, thank them for their service in keeping you safe. Choose to stop thinking about them (you’ve released them, after all!) and remain open to other possibilities.
• Journal all of the things that are getting you worried, angry, frustrated, or fearful. For each person, conversation, or situation, write down what the best that could happen?  Take a flight of fancy here – this is not where you pile on more negativity.   What else is possible?  These are the first steps in retraining our brains to begin to look for more positive outcomes.
• For more persistent mental patterns for situations where there is an emotional charge and it is difficult to let go, try a 21-day candle ritual.  For this practice, write down what it is that is clutching you on a small piece of paper. Add how you feel about it. Place the paper under a candle holder for a tea light.  Light the candle every evening for 21 days with the intention of releasing this clinging emotion. On the last day, burn the candle to its end. Tear up the paper and discard the empty tea light holder, with ceremony – you are NOW FREE from this clinging vine!

Ways to Shift Into a Higher Vibration Habit

Once you have begun to catch your negative thinking habits, you can consciously shift into more empowering and joyful thoughts. One way is to create a happiness ritual.  This practice could be things like meditating every day, practicing self-care, taking yourself to a wellness retreat, or writing in a gratitude journal daily. AAAHHHH!  Feel into the stillness!

I value my inner peace and quiet mind as my most important possessions.  In the infrequent times when turmoil becomes part of my experience, I first take out my tarot deck and my tea light!  

Take an inspired action to claim your mental peace of mind – starting today!

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