Choosing Life Beyond Fear: How She Turned Her Darkest Chapter Into a Healing Path – Ani Lalazarian

What if healing begins before the fear is gone?

We often imagine healing as the moment when pain finally loses its hold and life begins again. Ani Lalazarian’s experience was not so simple. After surviving a kidnapping, she still had fear to work through, but she chose to keep moving forward.

In this conversation, Ani speaks openly about seeing an angel and leaving her body during the kidnapping, and how that experience began her spiritual search. She shares how shamanic healing and a Kundalini awakening changed her understanding of what it means to heal, and why she believes healing and awakening go hand in hand. This is a story about moving through fear, learning from the parts of ourselves formed in childhood, and turning personal healing into tools that can help the next generation.

Continue reading or listen in by subscribing for free on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or YouTube.

I’d love to hear about your journey of awakening to consciousness, mindfulness, and spirituality. Let’s go back to your childhood, if you don’t mind. Where did you grow up, and did you have any spiritual or religious experiences as a child?

Ani Lalazarian: Definitely. I grew up in Hollywood, California, in a Christian household. My mother never forced religion on me, so to speak, but she gave me a foundation of faith in God and Jesus.

From a very young age, I had many questions and found myself doubting certain things. Most of my early experiences came through dreams. But I also remember sitting in my room when I was six years old and staring out the window. I can still feel that moment as though I’m there.

I simply knew I was more than this physical body. I knew I had been here before, and I knew I was more than Ani. It was a deep knowing. Those were my primary experiences as a child, and then my life experiences began shaping me and bringing me to where I am today.

As you grew older, what career path did you envision for yourself? You now devote a large part of your life to healing and consciousness, but what were your early dreams during and after high school?

Ani Lalazarian: At first, I thought I wanted to become a lawyer. I come from a culture where doctors and lawyers are considered the best professions, and they are presented as the only real options. I enjoyed law at the time and worked at a law firm for many years.

Then I was kidnapped in 2001, and that completely changed the trajectory of my career. I eventually enrolled in fashion design school, which later led me to India and onto my spiritual path.

I don’t want to take you anywhere you’re uncomfortable going, but it’s unusual to hear someone mention being kidnapped. You said that experience shifted your path from law to fashion. How did it change the trajectory of your life?

Ani Lalazarian: I had to go to court and testify, which brought me into direct contact with the legal system. I was deeply unhappy with the way some lawyers could dismiss or twist the truth for personal gain.

I’m not saying all lawyers behave that way, but the experience awakened me to the realization that law wasn’t the path I wanted to follow.

So you went to fashion school.

Ani Lalazarian: Yes. Once you tap into that creative source, it opens a whole Pandora’s box. I absolutely loved it.

I remember seeing a video of a fashion show and immediately thinking, “That’s what I need to do.” I loved sketching, art, and sewing, so fashion felt like a true calling at that point in my life. I was 21.

It was a wonderful experience, and that path eventually led me to my spiritual work.

Did you remain in the fashion world for a long time?

Ani Lalazarian: I did. I had a clothing line and worked with a business partner for many years. We traveled to India, and it was a beautiful experience, although it certainly had its ups and downs.

When I became pregnant with my twins, I realized I had exhausted that experience. The work no longer fulfilled me and had become stressful. I wanted to be present for my children and raise them, so my business partner and I parted ways.

Approximately two years later, I began my healing practice.

You mentioned that traveling to India played a role in your journey. I’ve visited India about a dozen times and made a documentary about orphans, so I understand how transformational the country can be. Did you initially travel there to source manufacturing or fabric for your fashion business?

Ani Lalazarian: Honestly, we had no idea what we were doing. We were two young women saying, “Let’s go to India and have our Eat, Pray, Love moment.”

We knew we wanted to source something, but we didn’t yet know what. We traveled to southern India, which was lush and immersed in nature. It almost felt like being in the Amazon, and it was beautiful.

We stayed with a family, visited an orphanage, and discovered a wonderful factory producing handmade silk. We immediately knew that was what we were meant to pursue. We began creating luxury kaftans and scarves, all handmade using natural elements such as turmeric and indigo.

The most profound part of the trip, however, was visiting the orphanages. I saw children with no families and virtually nothing to call their own, yet they smiled with so much joy.

I thought, “We’re so depressed in America. We have everything, yet we aren’t happy.” These children had nothing, but they were excited, joyful, and grateful. I learned so much from them.

Then you transitioned out of fashion and had your children, which is transformational in itself, especially with twins! Did your spirituality begin to resurface at that point, or had it already been returning?

Ani Lalazarian: Before I answer that, I should share a little more background because there was a gradual buildup. My life hasn’t been linear by any means, and as you know, healing isn’t linear either.

My spiritual quest began after the kidnapping. During the experience, when I was consumed by a level of fear I hadn’t known was possible, I saw an angel come to me. She took me out of my body and said, “You’re going to be okay. Even if you die, you’re going to be okay. Come with me.”

I left my body with her and experienced a complete euphoria of love. If anyone had seen me, they probably would have thought I was crazy. I was tied up and blindfolded, yet I began smiling from within.

I knew there was more than the physical world. I knew that no matter what happened, I would be okay. That experience became the catalyst for everything that followed.

At the time, search engines weren’t as accessible as they are now, so I couldn’t simply look up what had happened. I would go to bookstores, sit on the floor, and begin reading all these books. I didn’t understand any of them, but I knew I was on some kind of inner quest.

I didn’t have the right tools, and I hadn’t met any teachers. It wasn’t until eight years later that I met the first shamanic teacher I worked with. She was phenomenal. After one session with her, I thought, “Wow, that felt like 10 years of therapy.”

Had you pursued traditional talk therapy after the kidnapping?

Ani Lalazarian: Immediately after I was released and left in an alley, I heard a strong voice in my mind telling me I had two choices.

I could become a victim, live in fear, and be miserable, or I could refuse to let fear control me and choose to live my life. The options were very clear, and I knew I had to make that choice in that moment. I chose to live.

I’m getting goosebumps as I talk about it because that decision truly paved my path. I’m sorry if I’m moving back and forth through the story, but that was the beginning. It set the tone for my entire journey and eventually led me to the shaman.

As for therapy, I attended about three sessions because the court required it. The assumption seemed to be, “She’s going to be damaged for the rest of her life, so she needs therapy.”

Honestly, those sessions did nothing for me. I believe in therapy when you find the right person, but this was someone the police department had connected me with, and I didn’t resonate with him. At times, I felt as though I was the one giving him therapy. I simply wasn’t receiving what I needed.

What mattered most to me then was the way I chose to live and how I put that choice into practice. I continued with college and made myself return to school. I also participated in a study-abroad program because I wanted to confront my fear directly.

That doesn’t mean I stopped being afraid. Walking through dark areas at night still frightened me, and I avoided gas stations at night for perhaps five years. I still had fears and other things to work through, but making that choice made a world of difference.

You said you met the shaman eight years later. How did you find her?

Ani Lalazarian: She was a distant relative of my business partner. At the time, the shaman lived in San Diego, although she’s now in Barcelona.

My business partner said, “Come to San Diego with me, and let’s have a session.” I was immediately all in. I was excited and curious because I already recognized that spiritual side of myself and had been searching through books, trying to understand what I was looking for.

As soon as I met her and completed that first session, I knew this was exactly the path I was meant to follow. I feel blessed to have worked with her.

What was that first session like? What did you focus on, and what did you experience?

Ani Lalazarian: The first session was a soul retrieval. It involved bringing back aspects of the soul that had been lost because of a traumatic experience.

It doesn’t always have to involve trauma. It might relate to a particular moment when you formed a limiting belief or fear—an experience during which an aspect of your soul left your body as a protective or survival mechanism.

Soul retrieval is an important part of shamanic work, and that was the first session she did with me.

What did you personally experience during the soul-retrieval session? What made it so transformational for you?

Ani Lalazarian: I hadn’t realized we could enter the subconscious in that way, but she was able to guide me into mine. For the first time, I experienced visions without taking any kind of medicine. I could see things while remaining able to speak, explain what I was experiencing, and explore what was happening more deeply within my subconscious mind.

It was incredibly powerful to recognize how capable we are. We could enter the subconscious and clear many things almost instantly. At the same time, healing is like peeling away the layers of an onion. You learn how to manage what returns because, as we know, healing isn’t linear. I’ve revisited some of those things many times, but that session was definitely a pivotal moment for me.

Were you married or in a relationship at the time?

Ani Lalazarian: I wasn’t married when I began shamanic healing. I was going through a very toxic breakup.

I started taking every training my teacher offered because the work felt so wonderful. If she offered a workshop, I signed up. I wasn’t seeking certifications, although I did receive them. That was an added benefit, but my primary motivation was personal healing.

I completed Reiki Levels One and Two with her, and she came from a clear Usui Reiki lineage. Learning to work with energy was a beautiful experience.

At the time, Reiki wasn’t mainstream, and I didn’t truly understand what it was. I thought, “Sign me up. I’m coming. Let’s go!” But I was also asking, “What is Reiki? You put your hands on someone? How does that work?”

To understand the energy, I practiced Reiki on myself for an hour every day for a year. It carried me through a very dark period as I emerged from that relationship and helped me become emotionally balanced on an entirely different level. It genuinely helped me, and I wanted to understand what that energy was.

I also trained in breathwork and shamanic breathwork. I spent long weekends in workshops for many years with my first teacher, until I met my second teacher in 2014.

As you learned and healed yourself, did you begin using these modalities and gifts with other people, or were you primarily focused on your own well-being?

Ani Lalazarian: I primarily used them for myself because I was still a student and needed to understand what I was doing. I couldn’t teach something when I wasn’t completely sure what it was.

I was still learning then, and honestly, I’m still learning now. I’ll never stop learning and growing. At that time, however, my focus was on using the work for myself.

If family members needed Reiki, I would offer it to them. I also gathered with a few Reiki friends so we could practice on one another. In that sense, I was using the modality with other people, but I hadn’t started a practice or begun seeing clients.

Was your family open to it, given that they came from a different background? Did you share these experiences with them?

Ani Lalazarian: Oh my goodness, no, I didn’t share everything because I knew I would receive some backlash. My mother did love Reiki, though. She didn’t understand it, but she knew how good she felt afterward.

During her experience with cancer, I would offer her Reiki and guide her through breathing exercises. She loved the sessions because she could feel the difference afterward, even though she couldn’t explain what was happening.

I initially tried taking her to someone else because I thought she might feel uncomfortable receiving the work from me. But I realized she trusted me and was more open when I guided the healing. That was beautiful.

I think the rest of my family began learning more about my work when I started seeing clients professionally in 2020.

That was going to be my next question. At what point did you feel compelled to begin offering this work professionally?

Ani Lalazarian: Interestingly, whenever I go through a dark period, I’m led toward something that ultimately creates a breakthrough. About a month before the COVID shutdowns began, when my twins were still babies, I felt strongly drawn to enroll in a Kundalini Yoga teacher-training program.

I found that strange because becoming a Kundalini Yoga teacher had never appealed to me. I had taken occasional classes, and the shaman I worked with was also a Kundalini teacher, but I had no desire to pursue it myself.

Then the feeling became incredibly strong. It was as though a hand was pushing me in that direction. I began seeing messages about Kundalini everywhere. It was another moment in my life when I had no doubts—I simply knew I needed to take the training again, for my own growth.

The program began in February, and the shutdown arrived in March. I thought, “Of course. This is why I was guided here.”

We had to practice every day, waking at four in the morning to complete our sadhanas and other exercises. I continued that practice throughout the entire shutdown. It was a beautiful experience, and I spent a great deal of time connecting with nature. The timing was perfect for what I needed.

During the training, I experienced a profound Kundalini awakening. When COVID happened, I knew I needed to share this work with others.

So you had a specific Kundalini-awakening experience. What led up to it, and what did you experience?

Ani Lalazarian: For anyone unfamiliar with these trainings, we begin very early and continue into the night. We spend hours meditating, practicing mantra meditation and breathwork, and doing spinal exercises.

My class had about 18 students. When a group practices meditation and mantras together, it creates a larger energetic field, making the experience even more powerful.

It was only the second day of training. We were all sitting together in the studio, practicing breathwork and meditation, when I heard someone walking around us, although no one was there. Then I felt someone pat my shoulder.

Suddenly, I saw a glowing blue double helix spinning in front of me. It descended along my spine, settled into it, and remained there.

I kept trying to touch it and understand what it was. At that point, I still knew nothing about DNA or the activations associated with it. Although I had done healing work, my experience had focused primarily on energy, so I wasn’t yet aware of that dimension.

The glowing blue double helix stayed with me. Every time I closed my eyes, even for two seconds, I could see it. I felt its power so intensely that it brought me to tears, and from that point forward, my intuition became fully activated. It was a beautiful experience.

Amazing. Meanwhile, you were married and raising children. How did your husband navigate these shifts and changes in your life?

Ani Lalazarian: My husband isn’t involved in this kind of work, which often makes people ask, “Wait, how does that relationship work?”

When I told him I wanted to complete the Kundalini Yoga training, he was entirely supportive. He understood that if something helped me feel balanced and well, then he supported me doing it.

It’s interesting because whenever people ask, I tell them honestly that this simply isn’t his world.

So he supports you in following your path while he follows his, and you meet in the middle.

Ani Lalazarian: Exactly. Now and then, I try to draw him a little closer to my side, but you can’t force someone. People have to arrive in their own time.

After completing the training and experiencing this Kundalini awakening, what happened next?

Ani Lalazarian: I began applying it to my life, just as I had with all my other training. I continued learning, growing, writing, and expressing myself creatively. Then I started Radiant Sol Mama.

It developed organically, in a grassroots way. I didn’t want to force or push it. I simply began sharing some of the insights I was learning, and people naturally gravitated toward the work.

Eventually, I found a healing space I wanted to use. Clients began coming to me through word of mouth, and the practice grew naturally from there. I now work with a community of women, and we gather for group meditation and healing.

And your studio is in Los Angeles? Which part of the city? For anyone who doesn’t live there, Los Angeles is a big place, so it helps to know the neighborhood.

Ani Lalazarian: It’s in Toluca Lake, near Burbank.

What kinds of people are drawn to your work, and what challenges or struggles are they often facing?

Ani Lalazarian: Most of the people who come to me are women who want to do the work. They’re tired of where they are in their lives and know there’s something more. They feel ready to heal.

Some tell me they resonate with me and are curious about healing work. Others may be going through a divorce or recovering from abuse. My clients come from many different backgrounds and are facing all kinds of experiences, but it’s primarily women who gravitate toward the work.

The way you present yourself online clearly reflects your background in fashion. There’s so much beauty in the photography, your hats, and your personal style. Do you think that creative, beautiful presentation is also part of what attracts people to your work?

Ani Lalazarian: Definitely. We’re visual beings, and we enjoy looking at things that make us feel a certain way. That isn’t the reason I present myself as I do, but it’s interesting to hear you describe it that way.

I can see how people might be visually attracted to the overall presentation and then feel curious about the work itself.

I know you offer group experiences as well as online and in-person healing sessions. What happens during an individual session? Could you walk us through the process from beginning to end?

Ani Lalazarian: My availability for in-person sessions is limited, but I also offer virtual sessions. Each one-on-one healing session is tailored to where that individual is in their life.

With all my work, I like to begin by guiding people into their hearts. We do some breathing, followed by a guided meditation that brings them into their bodies and the present moment. There are so many distractions outside us, and before we begin the deeper work, I want to know that the person is fully present within their body.

From there, we begin breathwork. I use a variety of breathing practices, so the particular approach depends on what the person needs. It might be something gentle or a technique that takes them more deeply inward.

The breathwork itself becomes a passage. One of my clients—a pharmacist who was entirely new to this world—coined the phrase “transcendental passage” to describe her experience. When she said that, I thought, “Wow, where did that come from?”

I guide people on a deep journey into themselves and their subconscious. Depending on their needs, I may identify a specific experience for us to explore. We then move into a deeper guided meditation.

I also use sound to help integrate the energies, along with Reiki. Over the last 16 years, I’ve combined the elements of breathwork, ancient techniques, and other modalities that were most effective for me.

I use the mind-body connection to prepare both for the healing work. We enter the subconscious and begin clearing what’s there. At the end, sound helps integrate the different energies.

Group sessions begin similarly, but private sessions are tailored to the individual, whereas group experiences center on a theme. I guide the whole group on a journey, but each person has their own experience.

The women who attend range in age, although most are between 30 and 50. Many have never meditated before. They walk in with no idea what they’re about to experience, and I think, “You have no idea what’s in store for you!”

Afterward, they might say, “I saw colors,” or, “I saw my grandmother, who passed away years ago.” Seeing the shifts that can happen in an hour and a half makes me incredibly happy.

It reminds me why I do this work. I want women to know how powerful they are. I want to walk that path with them because I’ve walked it myself—and I’m still walking it.

That’s beautiful. You’ve also released your first children’s book, Into the Heart of the Forest: A Journey to Love. It’s absolutely beautiful. Although it’s written for children, I imagine it also speaks to the parents reading it and helps them learn along the way.

Are the children in the book based on your twins?

Ani Lalazarian: You nailed it. They are my twins, and they inspired the book. I changed their names but kept the same first initials.

Where did the idea for the book come from, and what was the process of creating it like?

Ani Lalazarian: After working with hundreds of clients, I noticed that we always returned to their childhoods. I began wondering, “Why are we waiting until adulthood to work on ourselves? Why not give children the tools they need now?”

Parents and educators need those tools, too. As parents, we can become dysregulated, get triggered, and yell at our children. They learn from us and then become dysregulated themselves.

The book is intended for adults and children. I recently received a message from a woman who had read it. She didn’t have children, but she had lost her brother and found the story profoundly healing.

My intention is to guide people back to their hearts and to the love within them. The story includes two beautiful, simple practices that help them do that.

I’ve begun reading the book at schools, and children are brutally honest. Adults might politely smile even when they aren’t interested, but you can’t fool around with children. I was nervous they might say, “This is boring. Are we finished yet?”

I asked them what their favorite part of the book was, and they said they loved the affirmations and heart breathing. When I asked how those practices made them feel, children across the different classes said they felt calm and peaceful.

I also practice different breathing techniques with my own children. Even 30 seconds can help. Children don’t need the hour-long sessions adults sometimes do; a minute or two may be enough because they absorb the experience differently. I love working with children.

Without revealing the final page—we don’t want any spoilers—what overview can you give us of the story?

Ani Lalazarian: The children embark on an inner journey. They enter a portal that transports them into a forest, where they meet three spirit animals. Each animal gives them a task, and every task contains a lesson they can apply to their lives.

The book is grounded in five pillars: trust, kindness, gratitude, truth, and intuition. Each pillar helps guide them back to their center.

I won’t reveal what happens at the end. Beyond the story itself, the visuals and artwork are beautiful. I truly feel that James and I created magic together through the book and its illustrations.

He was excited about the project and understood what it meant. This story has many layers.

The book is absolutely gorgeous. I’m looking at one of the illustrations with the bear, and it’s so beautiful. For anyone thinking about writing a children’s book and finding an illustrator, how long did the project take, and what was the creative journey like?

Ani Lalazarian: I’ve heard of people writing a children’s book in a day, and you can certainly do that if it’s what you want. But I didn’t create this as a business venture. I poured a tremendous amount of love into it.

When I first had the idea, my mother was going through her experience with cancer. I lost her a couple of years ago, and I dedicated the book to her. She was one of its inspirations.

I know that takes us slightly away from the question, but it was an important part of the creative process. Everyone’s journey is different, but making a meaningful book may take time. For me, the process took about two years because the story changed so many times.

I wanted to dig deeper into the lessons and make every element intentional. I wanted readers to feel the words and experience a shift within themselves. It was also important that the illustrations felt completely aligned with the story.

Two years may sound like a long time, and it certainly doesn’t have to take that long. That was simply my experience.

What do your children think of the book and of their mother becoming an author?

Ani Lalazarian: They were incredibly excited. I included them throughout the process because I wanted them to feel that it was their book, too.

I would ask, “What do you think of this?” Then I would practice different parts with them to see whether they liked and connected with them—or whether they thought, “This is terrible!”

They accompanied me throughout the story’s development and were very much a part of it. When I visited their school for a reading, they were thrilled that I was there. It has been so much fun to share the experience with them.

The book has also inspired them to practice breathwork. They were initially somewhat resistant—especially my son—but then I noticed him beginning to do it on his own. He would say, “Mom, I wanted to do some breathing, and now I feel so much better.”

I thought, “Yes! That’s exactly what we want.”

That’s wonderful. Do you envision writing more books?

Ani Lalazarian: Everyone keeps asking me that question, and it has motivated and inspired me to write more. I definitely want to, although I don’t yet know exactly what the next book will be. The spark is there, and I have some ideas.

As my children grow, I may want to write a chapter book—something longer that incorporates life lessons for children. Everyone has to follow their own journey, but I wish I had understood certain lessons earlier in life. I think they could have helped me.

I love the idea of weaving those lessons into a story. Children have wonderful imaginations and love using them, so the lessons need a compelling narrative that motivates them to continue reading and become fully immersed.

Is there a question I haven’t asked today that you wish I had?

Ani Lalazarian: I think we’ve covered a great deal, although I could talk about healing and energy work for days. I love working with energy.

Healing brings a profound sense of self-discovery, and I believe healing and awakening go hand in hand. To experience a true awakening, some healing needs to take place.

It’s important to begin clearing things from the body and subconscious and working through limiting beliefs. That allows you to progress and creates space for awakening to unfold. The two processes are deeply connected.

I’ve recently been ending conversations with a fun question: What purchase under $100 has made a difference in your life? It doesn’t have to be spiritual—it could involve your children, family, or anything else.

Ani Lalazarian: Something comes to mind, although it isn’t one particular object. It was more of a moment that confirmed I was on the right path.

At the beginning of our conversation, I described visiting bookstores and reading books I didn’t understand. I purchased some of those books, brought them home, and couldn’t understand a word. Eventually, I packed them into boxes and put them away.

Twenty years later, I opened one of those boxes and discovered a book about Usui Reiki and another about Kundalini. I thought, “My God, I can’t believe I bought these.” They described the exact path I ultimately followed.

Opening that box 20 years later gave me a powerful moment of recognition. I had purchased those books without consciously understanding them, and then I realized, “Okay, this is what we’re doing.” I simply knew I was on the right path.

That’s wonderful. Where is the best place for people to connect with you, follow you online, purchase the book, or book a healing session?

Ani Lalazarian: You can find me on Instagram.

My website is RadiantSolMama.com, and you can email me through the site. That’s the best way to connect with me. I’m also on TikTok.

I also founded Dragonfly Dreams Press, which published the book. I would love to create more spiritual and consciousness-based books for children through the company.

Thank you again, David. This was such a pleasure. I loved speaking with you, and I appreciate the platform you provide and the work you do.

It was wonderful being with you, Ani. Thank you for all the good you’re doing in the world and for creating this beautiful book.

Ani Lalazarian: Thank you so much. I truly appreciate it. 

Photos: Melody Melikian