Embracing Self-Worth Through Emotional Healing – An Interview with Molli Burkett

Unlock the secrets to holistic healing and self-worth through a deeply personal journey of transformation.

Today, we’re joined by Molli Burkett, who reflects on her childhood and the cultural and familial influences that shaped her early beliefs about emotions. Molli’s story takes us through her journey from people-pleasing and substance use to her ultimate transformation through traditional and non-traditional healing methods, including therapy, 12-step groups, and somatic practices. As Molli opens up about the challenging process of coming off long-term antidepressants, she reveals the power of reconnecting with repressed emotions like grief and pain. We discuss the transformative impact of somatic work and breathwork in achieving radical self-acceptance and self-worth. Molli shares invaluable insights into the shift from living in the mind to fully inhabiting the body, encouraging us to embrace even the most uncomfortable feelings for true healing.  (Interview has been edited for readability.)

We would love to hear about your journey of awakening to personal development and spirituality. Take us back in time to when that began for you.

Molli Burkett: I think I’ll go even a little further back, if that’s okay. To what I know to be true today, right? I know that for my entire life I thought there was something wrong with me for having certain feelings—sadness, grief, loneliness, fear, anger. I felt like I shouldn’t be having those feelings, and that goes back to early childhood.

The reason for that, I believe, is that the adults in my life who loved me and cared for me deeply were taught that these feelings weren’t okay either. It’s a cultural thing passed down from generation to generation. Our feelings aren’t validated if they’re not acceptable. Well-meaning adults tend to try to fix those feelings if they’re uncomfortable with them, telling us we shouldn’t have them, or sometimes even shaming us for having those feelings. In some homes, children are even threatened with violence for having feelings the adults didn’t want to deal with or didn’t know how to cope with. Children take full responsibility for what’s going on around them, and I definitely experienced this. Having different opinions or a different viewpoint, or liking things that weren’t acceptable around us, all taught me to feel deep shame for these feelings.

I didn’t know that at the time, but I believe that’s what was going on with me. So, as I was taught, I tried to disassociate from the feelings or shove them down. At a pretty young age, I found ways to cope, starting with people-pleasing behaviors, not speaking my voice if it went against the grain, and silencing my needs, wants, and feelings to keep the peace. I picked up those behaviors pretty early on. Then I found alcohol and recreational drugs. While many of my friends grew out of the party scene or learned to use it sporadically, that was not my story. I used it more and more because I was using them as a coping mechanism, self-medicating those feelings of shame and all the other feelings I talked about.

Were you aware that you were doing that during this season of life, or was it more of a normal routine of how you lived?

Molli Burkett: I felt like alcohol and drug use was very normalized around me, so I felt like it was normal. I know that at some point, decades in, I started thinking I might have a problem. But it took me hitting a bottom to really see that I was having that problem. I would wake up with shame or just knew something was off a lot of the time. But I certainly didn’t know I was self-medicating, and I had no awareness that it was the feelings I couldn’t cope with. Hitting a place in my life where it got really bad, and my children were at risk, I knew I had to get help. That was the beginning of my healing journey, and that was over 15 years ago.

When you hit that bottom, did that involve rehabilitation or 12-step groups or counseling or therapy?

Molli Burkett: All of the above. The traditional substance abuse modalities and therapy worked really well for me for a long time. It was the first place I learned there are no good and bad feelings. It took me to a place of wellness, being able to take responsibility for my life, have joy, and be emotionally available for my children, which was important to me when I woke up. That was this awakening that happened.

But after many years, I hit a wall. I knew inside me that there was a lot more healing to be done, so I went searching. I was introduced to somatic work, breath work, meditation, and other non-traditional healing modalities. That part of my awakening skyrocketed me into new dimensions. However, I still felt blocked at some point. I had to face the fact that I had been on antidepressants for decades, and I just knew they were likely blocking me from my full potential.

When you say you felt blocks, what did that feel like internally…or not feel like?

Molli Burkett: Because I started doing somatic work, I felt the block in my chest and throat physically. I knew I wasn’t able to connect with people the way I wanted to and still had a lot of fear around connecting with people. I was isolating a lot, so I wasn’t getting where I wanted to go fully. I had tremendous growth and awakening, but I knew something had to happen. Once I got off the medication, the concept of good and bad feelings started to integrate. I began feeling deeply—the feelings were just up and out, especially the ones I had pushed down for so long.

I was experiencing grief, pain, nonstop. But that’s what I needed to do. Using somatic work and other healing modalities, along with allowing my feelings to come up, I learned to accept all my feelings and sit with them, even though they were very uncomfortable. Doing the deep spiritual work alongside that, using the breath, somatic work, connecting with nature, and the divine, my growth really took off. I began to find radical self-acceptance, self-love, and self-worth that I had been longing for.

It’s amazing how this medication can be so helpful to many of us, but at some point, we realize it might not be helpful anymore. 

Molli Burkett: Yeah, and I think  the truth is, when you look back at the founders of those medications and Bessel van der Kolk, who originally used them with his trauma patients, those medications were meant to be used for a short period of time. They were never meant to be this lifelong, year after year medication. But, you know, big pharma got involved, and that changed.

What does it mean to do somatic work or somatic healing? What is a somatic practitioner, and how is that different from other forms of therapy or coaching?

Molli Burkett: Soma, from somatic, is the Greek word for body. It’s about working with the connection to your body. I had heard about this before for many years—mind-body connection—but I spent decades living from the neck up, in my head, which is exhausting because your head constantly creates stories about what to do with feelings you can’t cope with.

Connecting with the body is crucial because our feelings live in our body. Feelings are a biological response, and learning to connect with your body helps us start connecting with those feelings. I would argue that being able to recognize, accept, and receive messages from our feelings is linked to recognizing, accepting, and receiving messages about ourselves. It’s that reconnection with ourselves where so much healing, self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love happens.

I can hear someone who comes across our conversation and says, but I don’t like my feelings. Obviously, that’s why we all cope in different ways because we don’t want to feel those feelings. Why is it valuable for me to feel these feelings?

Molli Burkett: That’s a great question. This has been a long process for me, and the only reason I dove into this is because I couldn’t find another way. If you’re still blocked, if you’re suffering in any way, and you’ve tried all these different ways, the way out is through. The way out is through your feelings. You can take as long as you want pushing them away, but the way to freedom is walking through your feelings.

Talk us through what happens in a somatic healing session with you. How is this different from life coaching?

Molli Burkett: I do believe in talk therapy and pulling together different modalities. But like you said, you can start going nowhere, talking in circles after a while. For me, it starts with learning how to connect with your breath, to get grounded into our time together, so we can release all the monkeys racing around in our heads and be present. Just being seen and valued in that space together is somatic work.

We learn to describe what sensations we’re feeling in our body and be in that space together. But it’s not just that. I have what I call three pillars of deep recovery, which aren’t linear except for the first one.

The first pillar is the intentional plan of action, defining why now is the time for this work. Creating internal space, setting boundaries and communication with family members, and planning for resources. The practicalities often get missed.

The second pillar is uncover and discover, diving into old belief systems, rediscovering and connecting with our bodies and feelings, accepting the full rainbow of our feelings, welcoming abandoned parts of us, and revealing any distorted perspectives. It’s about where we need to set boundaries with self and others.

The third pillar is rewiring through exploration and practice, transforming neural pathways, somatic mindfulness, affirmations, exploring activities outside our comfort zone, new habits, spiritual and higher self-expansion, play and fun, and fostering community.

One of your emphases is self-worth. What is it about the subject of self-worth that drew you so much?

Molli Burkett: Self-worth is incredibly important to me, and I learned that through this process. I didn’t know my worthiness most of my life, and I’m still a work in progress. But when I was younger, I bought into the system that tells us what we need to be, what we need to look like, wear, our body shape—all these culturally defined expectations. I was bought into having the appearance of having it all together.

As I started waking up, it became about measuring myself by looking inward, by my beauty, love, faults, and all combined. It’s about aligning with my true self, the me I’ve come home to. Self-worth is my portal for healing.

We deal with demons like people-pleasing, substance addiction, body obsession, workaholism, and perfectionism—all markers for burnout. We use these to cope with fear, loneliness, sadness, and grief. We have to know we’re worthy of more.

When you were active in your addiction many years ago, what was your mindset regarding your self-worth? Contrast that with where you are now.

Molli Burkett: I was fully looking outside myself for my worth. I needed to look like this person, have this money, have this person’s approval, have it all together. Building your worth on a crumbling foundation, because anything outside of ourselves can change. I was constantly crumbling and trying to fix it.

It’s so hard, especially in Western culture, where what you drive, where you live, the clothes you wear, are all part of self-worth. How do you get around that?

Molli Burkett: It’s tough. I have a car I bought years ago, and I want to get rid of it because it’s a symbol of what I used to think was important. But I don’t get rid of it because that would be doing the same thing.

It’s important to be aware of how we feel when we’re exposed to things like social media or people driven by those values. We get to set boundaries on who we spend time with. Social media is not real; it’s created by someone showing a little aspect of their day or life. It’s as real as TV or movies. Awareness is everything.

Many coaches aim to help people cultivate self-worth internally but are driven by the metrics of social media. It’s a twisted world. I fall into it too; it’s hard not to.

Molli Burkett: I know, I do the same thing. I got off social media for five years, and when I started my coaching business, I got back on. I had to go through judging myself by attention metrics again. But it’s so easy to fall in. If we pretend we’re not going to, that’s where trouble starts. Accepting that we’re human and that fear of rejection and not being good enough is part of our DNA. It’s one of those feelings we sit with.

So one of the things you do is recognize you’re going to have these feelings. What are some other practices you use to maintain and nurture your self-worth daily?

Molli Burkett: I spend a lot of time alone and in silence, with myself inward. I literally sit with myself and go, okay, I’m paying attention to you, I’m valuing you, you’re important to me. I have those conversations with myself. I do breath work, meditation, and other spiritual modalities. My spiritual world has completely opened up.

Community is also crucial. I could sit with myself all day, but I need a tribe. I have to push myself to connect because without that, I feel bad, lonely, and isolated. Those feelings are messages telling me I need my tribe. I have had many coaches, therapists, and practitioners because that’s what we’re doing here—learning and growing from each other.

Who are the people that you find are drawn to working with you? How would you describe your ideal client?

Molli Burkett: I have three different tracks on my website, all under self-worth: self-worth and empowerment, people suffering from burnout, and those struggling with perfectionism. People who feel depleted, even with a beautiful family, because they’re always doing and giving. I work with body image issues, codependency, boundaries, relationships, and people with addicted family members or their own addictions. It’s about working at the underlying issues.

Do you coach in person or via Zoom, or both?

Molli Burkett: Everything’s on Zoom. If you go to my website, there’s a contact form to fill out, and you can leave a message for a sample session. I’ll reach back out to you to schedule it.

If someone’s reading this and struggling with addiction, coming to a place where they realize it’s not working for them anymore, but they’re scared to move forward, what would you say to them?

Molli Burkett: I would say that you’re here because you want to be here, and it’s okay to be scared. It’s scary, and we can sit with your fear together. I wouldn’t try to convince them not to be afraid. I would allow that fear to be with us and explore it with them, finding gentle, easy, compassionate ways to approach why they came to meet with me today.