Fear is a Liar

Fear is a great storyteller…a liar. I’m not talking about when you are in actual imminent danger. This is the lens of fear that we sometimes choose to view our lives through. 

It often happens when something unexpected happens. Something we hadn’t thought of or seen coming. Something that rocks our plans or puts a fork in the road we had mapped out. Instead of taking the time to assess the situation, consider the facts, and move forward with a new plan, we allow ourselves to be thrown off balance and make assumptions without having full knowledge of the complete situation. Assumptions are a great tool to take you further into the rabbit hole of fear. 

Fear allows our imagination to run wild. It creates scenarios that didn’t happen, and will most likely never happen. Fear makes us believe that we are experiencing or will experience terrible things. Things that are happening to us, or will happen to us. Fear has us firmly living in victimhood. Fear is a liar. 

Imagine this: A business owner leases space to run their business from the owner of a building. This is a very common situation. There is a lease signed for a certain amount of time. In this case, it will be a year. A one-year contract is made between the building owner and the tenant. When that year is up, the lease ends, and they are each free to go their own way. According to the signed agreement, neither party has any further obligations, as long as the terms outlined in the lease are met.

Now, imagine that during the term of the lease agreement, the building owner, the landlord, decides to sell the building. The lease agreement spells out the owner’s right to sell and also stipulates that the new owner will honor the existing lease with the tenant. The lease terms will carry over to the new building owner. The lease will still end on the exact same date. The rent amount and all other agreements of the lease stay in place, only with a new owner. 

Taking into consideration that the tenant may want an option to stay in the space and continue their business, the building owner, now the seller of the building, proposes that the new owner, the buyer, agree to extend the tenant’s lease. This will be made part of the terms of the building purchase. The new owner agrees. They agree to not only carry forward with the existing lease terms, but they will also add an additional six months to the tenant’s lease. Six more months that were not part of the original lease. 

Here’s where the story gets good. 

When the tenant is made aware of the sale of the building, they put on their fear glasses. The sale was unexpected. What is that going to look like for their business? Who are the new owners? How will the new relationship with them be?

These are all understandable questions. But with fear running the show, instead of calmly and logically getting answers to their questions, the tenant starts to dig that rabbit hole, assumptions are made, and accusations are thrown at the landlord. Viewing through the lens of fear, they see themselves as a victim. They fear for the future of their business. They think that the landlord conspired against them, even withholding information of the impending sale from them in a conversation that was had two weeks before the idea of the sale was even formed. They are afraid that the new owner will somehow be a threat to their belongings, and strangers will have access to their business. 

I often talk about the ripple effect of positive actions. Well, here’s a surprise: there is also a ripple effect to fear. The vibration of fear will ripple out to those around us. Particularly those closest to us. In this scenario, imagine a brother of this business owner who also has a nearby business in the same town. Now this brother is friends with both the seller of the building and the buyer of the building. When the brother gets wind of the impending sale, he also chooses to ride the fearcoaster along with his sibling. He chooses to see the situation through the lens of betrayal. 

These friends of his have somehow conspired to betray his friendship. By deciding to go into a business deal over the purchase of a building that the brother has nothing to do with, they are betraying him. Again, assumptions are made. The integrity of both the seller and buyer is inaccurately called into question by the brother. Can you see how the rabbit hole gets bigger and deeper?

What neither one of these siblings can see is that this is a business transaction. A decision on the part of the building owner to sell the building and a decision on the part of the buyer to purchase the building. They also can’t see that the seller actually considered the tenant in negotiating the agreement to sell by proposing the extension of the tenant’s lease. The buyer, by agreeing to extend the lease, also considered the tenant. The tenant and the brother can not see clearly because of looking through the lenses of fear and betrayal that: 

1. 1. The terms of the original lease have not changed; they are in the same situation with the new owner as with the previous owner. 

1. 2. They are actually in a better position, since they have the option to continue their business past the original end date of the lease. 

1. 3. All the goodwill that the original landlord has shown to the tenant is not taken into consideration. Things like affordable rent, initial two weeks rent free, and allowing the tenant to use some of the landlord’s display items and fixtures are all forgotten.

Remember the line from You’ve Got Mail –  “It’s not personal, it’s business”? The scenario I’ve shared with you is exactly that. It is a business transaction. However, there are people involved, and that is what the buyer and seller took into consideration in agreeing to an extension of the tenant’s lease. 

This is what happens so often when unexpected situations come up in our lives. The way we react to them is so important. This is what  I talk about in my book A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Life. The emotions we choose to ride in each of life’s twists make all the difference. We can not hold two thoughts at once. We can’t hold two vibrations at the same time.  It’s not possible for positive and negative to exist in the same moment. Fear, anger, and betrayal, as you might know, are lower vibrations. If we could even arrive at acceptance, we would be in a better emotional state. If we could see the gratitude in what is happening, it would change everything. I know that isn’t always easy. It’s exactly why I created the Queen Code and the Queen Code Oracle Card Deck – to help establish personal policies. When you have set policies and guidelines for your life, it becomes easier to navigate the unexpected things that come at you sideways. 

Fortunately for the owner of the building, they do have a Queen Code and solid personal policies in place to handle the inaccurate accusations thrown their way, as well as being able to see the reactions of the tenant and the brother playing out for what they are – the embodiment of the lies of fear. 

This is life, there will always be change. Changes that we choose, and changes that we don’t choose. It truly is how we handle them that makes all the difference. At the time we may not see it, but often these changes end up putting us in a better place, or open opportunities that we can’t imagine in the moment. 

My challenge to you is this: when faced with the unexpected in life, whether personal or business, take the time to calmly absorb the information and facts, and find the gratitude instead of reaching for the fear glasses. 

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