Healing from Loss: Shifting from Pain to Power

If you have suffered a loss recently, you may choose to read this article when you have the time and space to allow your feelings to surface.

I am no stranger to being brought to my knees by life, and I am sure you are not either. Very few of us get by without a shocking or devastating experience that changes how we view the world.

My laundry list? I lived with my grandmother as a child and helped care for her for years as she suffered from ALS before she passed away. I was shocked by the sudden passing of a dear childhood friend as the result of a car accident when we were in our 20s. Divorce introduced me to a new kind of loss. In a matter of two years, I lost my marriage, my three pets and my home. Just recently, my father passed unexpectedly, changing the structure of our family. The additional experiences are too many to mention, including multiple suicides and drug overdoses.

I share this with you, not to swim in victimhood, but to assure you that you are not alone. Healing from such loss is not a matter of moving on, but a matter of going within. It requires a processing of emotions and a shifting of mindset. 

1. Feel first.
   What you resist persists. Allow the feelings to surface and breathe through them, reminding yourself that they are just sensations and they cannot hurt you. You can handle them all.
2. Listen to your body.
   Your body has a divine intelligence within. Allow it to react in whatever way feels best. You may want to scream to release anguish, cry to process grief, ring out a towel to express anger, or hide under a blanket to soothe despair.
3. Manage your mindset.
   Our thoughts create more feelings. We want to ensure that the stories we tell ourselves support the types of feelings we want to have. 

The typical range of thoughts we experience when recovering from loss spans from victimhood to gratitude. It can look something like this: 

“Look what happened to me/him/her.”

“I can’t believe he/she did this. I can’t believe God allowed this. I should’ve done more.”

“I’ve accepted this has happened. It is what it is.”

“I want to help others who are hurting.”

“I want to use this as an opportunity to appreciate life more and create more value.”

“I am so grateful for this situation. It has changed me and deepened my capacity to love.”

Notice where you fall on this range of thoughts, and challenge yourself to move on to the next one. What would you have to believe for this to be true?

I choose to believe that the death of someone is just as significant as the life that they lived. Everyone around you is impacted. It softens hearts. It brings people together. It forces you to slow down. It gives you the sense of urgency to make necessary changes in your life. It motivates you to begin a deeper relationship with the divine. 

If what I’m saying sounds too good to be true, that’s ok. You may not be through your healing yet. It is a process. The more compassion and patience you have with yourself, the easier your path will unfold. 

TAKE ACTION: There’s no reason to suffer along this journey alone. You will always heal more quickly and with more ease with the proper support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me for a no-cost consultation. I’ll listen to your story and offer you insights to shift from your pain into your power.