Is a Kundalini Awakening the Same as the Holy Spirit?

My spontaneous awakening led me on an unexpected journey through consciousness, healing, and a question that continues to transform the way I understand spirituality.

I felt a tap on my right shoulder as I lay in the middle of a dance studio across the street from my gym in SoHo, New York City.

I opened my eyes and looked around.

There was no one there.

But that tap felt real.

Within seconds, I felt a tingling sensation in the tips of my toes. Heat began rising through my feet and up my legs. My body started to shake. As the energy moved upward into the lower part of my body, I started to see things.

I began seeing my childhood.

I saw moments that had hurt me. Then I saw moments when I had hurt other people.

One memory came back with incredible clarity.

When my sister and I were young, someone visiting from Italy gave her a giant coloring book. I received a much smaller one. I remember feeling jealous. After my mother left to pick up groceries, I took my sister’s coloring book and decided I would burn just a small part of it so she couldn’t color in it.

Instead, I almost set the house on fire.

My mother was devastated, but I was devastated too. I didn’t know how to express those feelings. Looking back, I can only describe it as something taking over me. During this experience, I was shown that moment again, not to shame me, but to understand it.

After this vision, I bought my sister a brand new giant coloring book with crayons. I handed it to her and said, “Do you remember when I did that? I’m so sorry. I love you, and I’ll never hurt you like that again.”

As the energy continued rising, it moved into my sacral area.

I suddenly saw every relationship I had ever had with men.

I saw how deeply I had been hurt. I saw myself moving from one relationship to another, hoping for a different outcome but repeating the same painful patterns. I felt misunderstood. I felt as though I was never enough. I experienced dishonesty, heartbreak, and disappointment. Over time, those experiences had made me disillusioned about love itself.

Then the energy continued upward into my stomach.

For years, I had suffered from what felt like ulcer pain. As I lay there, it felt as though something was performing surgery inside me. The pain disappeared. At the same time, I sensed it wasn’t only healing my body. It was restoring something much deeper: my confidence, my inner strength, and my sense of personal power.

Then it reached my heart.

That was when Yeshua came.

He was standing right in front of me.

He was glowing in gold and white light. His robe was a soft powder blue over white linen. His face was warm and handsome with a strong jaw, a strong nose, and eyes that were unlike anything I had ever seen.

His eyes shifted from blue to green to brown. To me, it felt as though he was showing me different dimensions of himself, from something cosmic to something enlightened to his humanity.

At times, he appeared translucent. Then, moments later, he seemed completely physical, so real that I felt I could almost reach out and touch him.

I wasn’t frozen, but I couldn’t move. I felt completely held by the energy surrounding me.

Then he spoke.

“I’m here.”

I looked at him and said, “Yeshua… why are you here? I left you so long ago.”

He smiled and answered,

“Oh, but I never left you.”

Those words were spoken to me on December 12, 2010.

Even now, as I write these words more than fifteen years later, tears fill my eyes.

I always cry when I tell this story.

No matter how much time has passed, I am instantly transported back to that moment. Every belief I had carried that I was alone, abandoned, or somehow forgotten simply dissolved. His words didn’t just comfort me. They reached a place within me that had been longing to hear them my entire life.

In that instant, my heart burst open.

Not from pain.

From love.

I realized he wasn’t breaking my heart.

He was healing it.

Then something completely unexpected happened.

He made me laugh.

We laughed and laughed. He reminded me of things I had worried about throughout my life, and together we laughed at how serious I had made them. I honestly think we talked for hours, although I believe only about an hour had passed.

He’s actually very funny.

Then a language began coming out of my mouth that I had never spoken before.

I started speaking in tongues.

He spoke.

I answered.

We understood each other perfectly.

At the same time, another part of me was quietly observing everything that was happening. I remember thinking, What language am I speaking? It was the first time I had ever experienced myself as both the one having the experience and the one witnessing it.

Then I said to him,

“Please show me the way. Show me the truth. Show me the life.”

The energy rose through my throat.

Then into my forehead.

Suddenly, my inner vision opened.

I began seeing sacred geometry, light, patterns, and forms unlike anything I had ever imagined. It felt as though I was traveling through different dimensions of reality.

I remember thinking,

This is it.

This is what’s real.

Everything I had believed reality to be suddenly seemed so small.

The greatest realization I received that day was not about visions or energy.

It was love.

I understood with every part of my being that love is the only thing that is truly real.

Everything outside of love is fear.

Everything outside of love is conditioning.

Everything outside of love is ego.

That experience changed the course of my life.

For the past fifteen years, I have devoted myself to mapping this experience through the lens of multiple spiritual traditions. In the Eastern traditions, what happened to me would be called a kundalini awakening. Within the Christian mystical tradition, contemplatives have described the same transforming fire of the Holy Spirit.

But Yeshua said it first, and he said it plainest. Love is the only thing that is ultimately real.

Everything else is an invitation to remember it.

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