Step Into Your GurrL Power and Finally Become the Main Character of Your Life – An Interview with Victoria Gurr

What if the moment you stop abandoning yourself is the moment everything begins to change?

For Victoria Gurr, awakening wasn’t a sudden breakthrough but a slow return to her inner truth after years of trauma, people-pleasing, and toxic relationships. Raised in a deeply spiritual home, she lost trust in herself early—and spent decades searching for worth in others’ approval.

A spiritual encounter during a sound-healing session became the catalyst for transformation, leading her into somatic work, nervous-system healing, and a renewed relationship with God. Through this process, Victoria reclaimed her voice, learned to set boundaries, and began writing a new story from a place of sovereignty rather than survival.

Now a coach dedicated to women’s empowerment, she helps others recognize unhealthy dynamics, rebuild self-trust, and step into their authentic power. In this conversation, Victoria shares how healing happens in the body, why self-love is an act of courage, and what it means to become the author of your own story. Continue reading, or listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or YouTube to discover how Victoria’s journey can help you reclaim yourself and rewrite your life.

What was your journey of awakening to consciousness, mindfulness, and spirituality like? Did you grow up with any spiritual or faith-based experiences, or did that come later in life?

Victoria Gurr: I grew up in a non-denominational Christian household. We were very committed to the church—my mom played piano and taught the bell choir, and my dad served as a deacon. As a child, I was innocent, full of life and hope, and I had a great relationship with God.

At 15, something traumatic happened within the church that left me blaming myself and internalizing what had happened. The pastor said, “Boys will be boys. Look at Victoria. Can you blame him?” Those words echoed in my mind for years. I believed it was my fault. I couldn’t trust myself anymore. I didn’t love myself, I didn’t feel worthy of love, and I turned my back on God and spirituality.

I went into people-pleasing, seeking validation from others—those little hits of “You’re such a great friend, thank you, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” It made me feel worthy, but it left me depleted.

Eventually, I fell in love and married a covert narcissist who was diagnosed as a pathological liar. I had always told myself I would only get married once, so no matter how many affairs, lies, or manipulations, I kept going back. I abandoned my family and my life and went on the run with him to Costa Rica.

While I was there, I found God again. God used my neighbor to show me it was time to go home, pick up the pieces, and reshape my life. I began rebuilding my relationship with God, but I still wanted to control everything. Instead of dealing with the pain, I gave God conditions for how I wanted my life to look. We know how that goes—God laughs.

I pushed all my trauma to the back of my mind, pretending it never happened, and it manifested in my next marriage. I ended up with another covert narcissist—angry, blaming everyone around him, and using me as his emotional punching bag. He was a chef, so he’d come home late and wake me up, screaming about things that had nothing to do with me.

Life became bleak. I told myself I was just a character in everyone else’s happily ever after. I became weighed down with depression and anxiety, and I started having suicidal ideations—not because I wanted to die, but because I couldn’t keep living that way.

Then God spoke to me: this wasn’t the end—this was the beginning. If I put myself first, if I poured my love inward, things would fall into place. The first step was leaving my husband.

I found the strength to tell him it was time to end our marriage and begin a new chapter. He begged and promised the world, but for the first time, I set a boundary—and honored it. That gave me power and momentum to move forward.

I’d been doing traditional therapy, but it only scratched the surface. I was still depressed and anxious, oversharing my story with anyone who would listen, not realizing I was reliving my trauma every time I spoke.

A friend and I decided to take a road trip through Florida—something bright and light. But during the trip, my anxiety manifested in a way it never had before. It was like a manic episode—extreme highs, speaking nonstop. My friends didn’t recognize me, and neither did I.

I kept asking people if they knew anyone who did healing and grounding work. Eventually, a friend introduced me to her neighbor, a healer. We met the next day on sacred Indian ground by the ocean. As the wave bowls hummed, vibrations moved through my body, and I felt lighter. I cried and released so much.

In that moment, God inspired what would become GurrL Power Coaching. God said, “Well done. But this is just the beginning. You’re going to heal yourself, and you’re going to inspire others to leave their toxic relationships—not to be defined by what happened to them, but by who I created them to be.”

I started meditating, journaling, and practicing yoga nidra. Crystals became part of my journey—at first, I joked, “Thanks for the rock,” but now I understand their meaning. They’re everywhere in my home and office.

Through somatic breathwork and hypnotherapy, I learned that the body holds trauma, even when the mind believes it’s processed. My body reacted before my mind could catch up, so I had to work through each layer to release it.

Eventually, I laid to rest the old version of me—the people-pleaser who overgave and overshared. I released her with love, thanking her for what she endured so I could become who I am today.

You mentioned recognizing yourself as a “supporting character” in other people’s stories. What does it mean to be a supporting character, and when did you start to realize you were living that way? What brought that to your awareness?

Victoria Gurr: Being a supporting character meant relentlessly pouring myself into others while giving nothing to myself. I was pouring from an empty cup, always exhausted and depleted, but still saying yes to anyone who needed something. If someone had a problem, I was there to fix it. If someone needed help, I’d show up—no matter what season of life I was in.

It always came to a head around my birthday. In my mind, I gave to everyone all year long, so just one day a year they could give back to me. But when you’re constantly people-pleasing and over-giving, you attract selfish people. They love what you do for them, but don’t know how to reciprocate. I would always be disappointed and hurt, and my birthday became something sad.

Towards the end of my second marriage, I caught myself telling a friend, “I’m just a supporting character in everyone else’s happily ever after.” As soon as I said it, it hit me like a gut punch. I realized I had been living with that limiting belief for years, but this was the first time it surfaced clearly enough for me to acknowledge it and recognize that something needed to change.

You also shared that you reclaimed your voice. How would you describe your voice before this process of healing, and how would you describe it now?

Victoria Gurr: Before my healing, especially when I tried to express what I needed or wanted, my language was tentative. I’d say, “I think I need… I might want…” I never used action words. I was always gauging what I felt based on someone else’s reaction before deciding what I actually wanted.

After stepping into my power and reclaiming my voice, I speak with authority. I trust the knowledge I hold within and know it is true. I speak affirmatively: “I am,” “This is happening,” with a mindset of action and confidence rather than “I think” or “Maybe it could be.”

When you first started reclaiming your voice, did you notice moments when you were intense or overly direct—as you were learning how to use that voice?

Victoria Gurr: Oh, absolutely. Especially around boundaries. Because I was so new to them, I felt I needed to set boundaries with everyone in my life—and it did not go well. People don’t like it when you suddenly assert boundaries.

I had a group of girlfriends I’d known for about 15 years. I’d always called them my “fair-weather friends”—fun, social friends—but there were a few core women who had been there for me through some hard times.

Around my 40th birthday, I decided to throw a big party to celebrate myself. It was a big deal—two years post-divorce, and I wanted to honor my journey. Many women my age are celebrating marriage or kids, but my life didn’t look like that, and it still deserved celebration.

One of the girls announced her baby shower on the same day as my party—using my party invitation. It felt rude, especially because she had done similar things in the past. I addressed it directly, letting her know I deleted the comment because it wasn’t the right place to announce her event, and that I looked forward to celebrating her later.

It spiraled into a huge conflict. We got ugly with each other, and old animosities surfaced. I assumed we’d close it with mutual well-wishes and walk away. But one of the other women—who had supported me through difficult times—called to attack me for what happened, even though it had nothing to do with her. I was stunned.

By the end, God showed me that these women were not true friends. We weren’t on the same vibration anymore. They no longer served a purpose in my life. It became very clear that it was time to walk away and surround myself with people who were aligned with who I was becoming.

You mentioned earlier that you no longer trusted yourself. What does it mean to trust yourself, and how do you cultivate that when you haven’t had it before?

Victoria Gurr: It starts with creating safety in the body. You have to teach your nervous system that you’re safe, that you’re no longer in survival mode, and you don’t have to force your way through life anymore. It’s safe to be at peace and to relax into that.

When you’re not trusting yourself, what does that look or feel like?

Victoria Gurr: Everyone has instincts and intuition, and when you don’t trust yourself, you ignore them. Your body will send signals—red flags, gut feelings, fight-or-flight responses that say, “This isn’t good for you.” But you override them.

Instead of tuning in, I would abandon my own inner knowing and turn to others. I’d say, “Here’s what I’m dealing with—what should I do?” Then I would collect everybody else’s answers and try to make a decision based on their opinions. I wasn’t reflecting, journaling, praying, or asking myself what I needed to learn. I was outsourcing my wisdom because I didn’t believe I had any.

After that transformative experience with the healer by the ocean, when did you begin to take action toward helping others? How did you develop the expertise you now offer in the modalities you use?

Victoria Gurr: The sound bowl healing was the catalyst. It really opened the door to my journey.

I dove deep into morning rituals, and along the way, I learned how easy it is to overcomplicate them—making them take three or four hours, which just isn’t sustainable. So I learned how to create morning rituals that honor myself and honor God, allowing space to slow down and have those beautiful, divine moments without pressure.

Journaling was also a big part of it. I reflected on what I’d been through, processed it, identified old limiting beliefs, and shifted them into a more powerful story.

I continued working with the healer, and we went through a series of chakra-clearing exercises. As we worked through each chakra, I had physical, emotional, and soulful reactions. The sacral chakra was the biggest one for me.

During that period, my body went through intense reactions. I started fasting because I could only tolerate bone broth—maybe Jell-O if I was lucky. It evolved into debilitating GI issues. I went through five infections, was hospitalized, and had test after test, only to be told I was a “medical anomaly.”

It was disheartening at first, but eventually I came to understand it from a spiritual perspective. My body had to release the pain, trauma, and lived experiences from my system so I could step into the person God created me to be.

At what point in your healing journey did you feel ready to start helping others by launching a coaching business? What did that look like for you?

Victoria Gurr: I wanted to create a strong foundation for my clients, so I started by going to coaching school. I attended the Health Coach Institute for life and health coaching. When I finished that program, I felt like I could help people transform, but I was still only scratching the surface.

I wanted to help women heal their minds, bodies, and souls—just as I had experienced. So I enrolled in somatic breathwork, hypnotherapy, and Reiki training to learn how to release trauma from the body, not just talk about it.

At the same time, I wanted to start building a presence, so I created GurrL Power Coaching—a play on my name, Gurr, with an “L.” It also symbolizes that visceral, embodied sense of power that women already carry within themselves.

I created social media platforms to educate and bring awareness to women—because many women don’t realize they’re in unhealthy dynamics or that they’re being abused. Abuse is more than physical; there are emotional, verbal, psychological, and financial forms that can be just as damaging.

I also had a vision, around that same time, of creating more than just a coaching business. I wanted to build a safe haven—not a shelter, but an actual rehabilitation center where women can learn to heal their minds, bodies, and souls. A place where they can also build practical skills like career coaching, resume writing, interviewing, and self-defense.

The idea is that no matter what challenges they face, they feel capable of meeting them head-on and growing into a stronger, more empowered version of themselves.

Is your goal to build that as a physical location in North Carolina eventually?

Victoria Gurr: Yes, I’m hoping to open it near Asheville, North Carolina. The mountains there are beautiful and have a high vibrational, deeply healing energy. The goal is to open the doors in about two years and begin serving women and their families. Their families will be welcome to join in the healing process, too.

One of the things you talk about with GurrL Power Coaching is helping women recognize if they’re in an unhealthy relationship. You mentioned you had relationships with both an overt narcissist and a covert one. What’s the difference, and how might someone know if they’re in an unhealthy situation?

Victoria Gurr: There are many forms of narcissism—depending on who you ask, there are seven core types or even fourteen—but in my experience, I went from one extreme to the other.

An overt narcissist is confident, charismatic, and has an exaggerated sense of self. They crave constant admiration and believe they’re special or unique. They think people of status should be in their circle because of their importance.

They exploit others, lack empathy, and have a sense of entitlement. There’s an arrogance and grandiosity to them. They often have a wide circle of influence, use people for their benefit, and exude that “mightier-than-God” attitude.

A covert narcissist, on the other hand, tends to be defensive and passive-aggressive. They belittle themselves to elicit praise, acting modestly so you will lift them.

They struggle with emotional bonds because they lack empathy, and they use emotional withdrawal as punishment when you don’t behave the way they expect. Their manipulation is quieter, more subtle, and harder to recognize.

Both types cause harm—but in very different ways.

If I’m a woman wondering whether I’m in an unhealthy relationship, what are some warning signs I should be aware of?

Victoria Gurr: It starts with how they talk to you. Do you feel uplifted, seen, and heard—or belittled, dismissed, and made to feel small or weak? Another sign is feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

If your interactions throughout the day are generally positive, except for the moments with that one person—and they have the power to destroy your entire day—that’s a red flag.

Lying and deceit are also signs, especially when someone uses manipulation or words to get their way. A partner who dislikes your friends and family, or who tries to isolate you, is using control. Isolation is a huge warning sign.

Ultimately, it comes down to how you feel. If you’re going through your day nervous or anxious about interacting with them, it’s time to shift the dynamic and reclaim your power. You deserve more.

What does it look like to shift the dynamic if someone feels anxious, scared, or unsure where to start?

Victoria Gurr: The first step is pouring love into yourself. You can’t control what someone else does, but you can control how it affects you.

When you’re filled with self-love, you can respond with calm clarity rather than react from fear. If someone becomes angry or volatile, you can say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. That’s not the truth,” and stay composed.

People who use manipulation or emotional volatility feed off your reaction—so when you don’t react, they lose power.

Beyond that, journal and identify what you need from your relationship. Then, lovingly, communicate it:
“I love you, and I want this to work. For that to happen, I need ____.”

Their response will tell you everything.

If they become volatile or make you feel bad for expressing your needs, it may be time to explore other options.

If they’re willing to grow—go to therapy, communicate, do the work—then it might not be a toxic relationship; it might be a communication gap.

The key is recognizing the difference. And it often helps to talk to someone to gain clarity.

What’s the difference between putting yourself first and making yourself a priority? And how do you put yourself first without feeling guilty or selfish?

Victoria Gurr: When you’re a priority, you’re on the to-do list. You plan to journal, meditate, or care for yourself—but when life happens, those things get pushed down or pushed off.

When you put yourself first, you start your day by asking, “What do I need?” and then you honor it—no matter what.

Also, your best is going to look different every day. Some days you’ll feel on top of the world and knock out everything on your list. Other days, getting out of bed and taking a shower is a win.

Putting yourself first is about honoring where you are and giving yourself what you need so you can also show up for others from a full cup.

You’ve shared that you once felt like a supporting character in other people’s stories, and now you encourage women to see themselves as the author of their own stories. What does it mean to be the author of your own story? What does it look and feel like?

Victoria Gurr: Being the author of your own story means recognizing that you have control. You have control over your life, over how your day unfolds. Your past doesn’t define you. It’s about acknowledging where you’ve been without letting it dictate where you’re going.

Your inner voice becomes your compass—not your fears, not your past, not the patterns you inherited from others. It’s choosing meaning within your experiences, and looking for the positive: what you learned, how you grew.

Every small decision, every boundary you set, every moment of honesty builds the next chapter.

With my clients, I walk them through a process I call STORY, which stands for:

• Sensation: Where is it in the body?
• Trigger: What pattern does it repeat?
• Origin: When did this belief begin?
• Fear: What fear is it trying to protect?
• Your truth: What replaces the limiting belief so you can step into your power?

When you walk clients through this STORY process, does that happen in one session or multiple sessions?

Victoria Gurr: It really depends on the person and where they are on their journey. They have to reach that moment of clarity on their own. Some women understand and work through it in one session. Others may need a few. And some women need to go very deep into those limiting beliefs, so it can take 12 or more sessions to unravel and heal.

What are some of the most common limiting beliefs women come to you with?

Victoria Gurr: The biggest one is feeling stuck—believing they can’t change their circumstances. Others include:

• “It’s my fault I’m here.”
• “I deserve what I’m going through.”
• “I’ve invested too much time; I can’t start over.”
  That one is huge—I told myself that for years.
• “I’m getting older; who’s going to love me after this?”

These beliefs keep women paralyzed in situations that are no longer serving them.

When someone comes to you with those limiting beliefs, how do you support them? What does your coaching container look like?

Victoria Gurr: My one-on-one coaching is very customizable. No two people are the same, so no coaching program should be cookie-cutter. It depends on someone’s availability, commitment level, and what they’re ready to work through.

Typically, I start with a 90-day program where we meet once a week for 12 weeks. That creates structure, accountability, and real momentum. It takes at least 90 days to build a habit, so that’s the foundation for lasting change.

I’m also launching GurrL Power Hour in January. It’s a group container where women can be seen, heard, celebrated, and supported in real time. Many of us feel isolated or alone, especially working from home.

This space gives women a community to bring whatever they’re facing—free of judgment. And it’s not just about working through challenges. We celebrate wins because so many women rush past their accomplishments.

When you take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your growth, you embody it—and that creates momentum for even more.

What does the GurrL Power Hour look like in terms of structure? Is it a specific meeting time or an online program? Help us understand it more.

Victoria Gurr: GurrL Power Hour will meet twice a month, on Thursdays at 8:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. It’s an open, supportive space for women to come together. Participants can submit questions or topics the day before if there’s something specific they want to explore.

We’ll start as a group, discussing themes that are emerging collectively, and then move into breakout groups. That gives every woman the opportunity to share, be heard, and work through whatever is present for her—without feeling rushed or overlooked.

And that launches January 2026.

Victoria Gurr: Yes, that’s correct—New Year, new beginnings.

What’s the best place for people to connect with you, book a session, or learn more about GurrL Power Hour?

Victoria Gurr: The best place to start is GurrlPowerCoaching.com. You’ll find information about GurrL Power Hour, my coaching programs, and links to schedule through Calendly.

I’m also active on social media—TikTok, Instagram, and I also have a GurrL Power Facebook group, where women gather to celebrate each other and share what they’re going through.

I’m very accessible, so whether it’s through social media or the website, women can reach me however works best for them.

Before we wrap up, I’d love for you to speak directly to the woman who’s listening and feeling some of what you’ve described—walking on eggshells, exhausted, unsure of her next step. What encouragement would you give her today?

Victoria Gurr: You’re not stuck, and you’re not broken. You have all the power within you. Once you unleash that inner warrior, life begins to shift. You can take control of your story, create the narrative you want, and build the life you desire.

It starts with putting yourself first.

As God says in Isaiah 48:18–19: “Forget the former things; see, I am doing a new thing. It springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

No matter how bleak your situation feels, no matter how stuck you feel, you have what it takes to make that next step—to change your life. And I’m right here to walk beside you.

Thank you so much, Victoria. I’m so happy for where you are in life and grateful for how you’re helping others reclaim their voices, step into their power, and heal their hearts and minds. We appreciate all that you’re doing.

Victoria Gurr: Thank you. It truly is an honor.