Turning Your Setback into a Comeback – An Interview With Tim Storey

What if every setback in your life could be transformed into a powerful comeback?

Join us for an eye-opening conversation with the legendary Tim Storey, a renowned author, speaker, and life coach to the stars. Tim’s journey and wisdom have inspired lives across 75 countries, and in this episode, he shares his profound insights into why setbacks occur and how we can rise above them. He’s been a featured guest on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, Steve Harvey TV, Grant Cardone’s 10X Growth Con, and many more events. He’s authored multiple books, including The Miracle Mentality and Comeback and Beyond. Tim’s actionable advice will help you move forward constructively, turning every challenge into an opportunity for growth. (Interview has been edited for readability.)

Why do we experience setbacks in our lives?

Tim Storey: I think what happens is that most people start with momentum. Momentum is a force and energy. If you look at little kids, they usually live out loud. If you see kids at recess, it’s loud. They’re in the classroom, and the teacher’s going, “Shush, quiet,” because they’re living out loud with their momentum. Then what happens to all of us, and I did say all of us, is life interruptions. A life interruption could be your parents getting divorced. A life interruption could be an illness. A life interruption could be someone being molested. Various life interruptions come at different times of our lives. Here’s what’s interesting. Most people do not know how to handle a life interruption because an interruption is unexpected. I didn’t expect you, Mr. Interruption, to come into my life, and now I have an interruption that has created some form of a setback.

You’re talking about things that happen to us, but it seems like some setbacks are instigated by things we do. Would you say that’s the case?

Tim Storey: 100%. I say in my book, “Comeback and Beyond,” that setbacks happen for three reasons. One is the miscellaneous department. We have no idea, and it really sucks because I wish life was black and white, but it’s not. It’s gray. I wish bad accidents did not happen to people when they’re just trying to go to a joyful place, like car accidents, but it just happens. So number one is the miscellaneous department. Number two is that we make bad choices. Some setbacks in my life are from miscellaneous events, and some are bad choices that I made. My choices created the challenge. And then the third reason people have setbacks is because of the people they have in their lives that create a setback for them. You could be the right person with the right plan but be with the wrong people. They can create a setback for you. A lot of listeners are facing that today.

What are some unhelpful ways that people often respond to setbacks?

Tim Storey: One of the mistakes people make when they have a setback is they try to go back and fix everything. I said on Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Sunday that a comeback is not a go-back. Don’t we both wish we could go back and just fix everything, right? But one of the mistakes we make is trying to go back and fix it all. Another thing people do is they get paralyzed in their past. They continually talk about what happened and how things were, getting stuck in their past.

If we experience a setback, what’s the first thing you would encourage us to do?

Tim Storey: The first thing you have to do is become awake because a lot of times we have setbacks we create because we’re in some form of a fog. A bad relationship can create a fog. Maybe your son or daughter having challenges can create a fog. Not enjoying your job can create a fog. So when I say fog, F-O-G, you now need to become awake. When you become awake, the second thing you need to do is become aware. I need to become awake. Number two, I need to become aware, like what the heck is really going on. So, awake, aware. The third thing is to take inventory. Where am I? How did I get here, and how do I get out? I’ve worked with Charlie Sheen since probably the late nineties. He seems to like to create those situations for himself, and he’s a great friend. He even calls my mother to check up on her. He’s a really nice man, actually. Even for Charlie or anybody else, we have to first become awake. Secondly, aware. Thirdly, take inventory. Where am I? How did I get here? That inventory thing is powerful, don’t you think?

How would you define that awareness?

Tim Storey: To be aware is to be clear-minded about the reality of the circumstances you’re in. The fog is lifted. Now you’re clear-minded and move into this amazing place called clarity. This world can hit you so hard it creates a fog in your mind where, even if you’re awake, it doesn’t mean you’re aware. You could be awake, but some people say, “Okay, I’m awake, but I haven’t had my first cup of coffee.” Becoming aware is like having your first cup of coffee, and now the cloud is out of your mind.

How do you encourage people to take inventory?

Tim Storey: It reminds me of when I used to work at Miller’s Outpost when I was 16 and a half. We had to take inventory. Probably once a month, we’d have to go through the store and take inventory, which was very tedious. So inventory of your own life can become very tedious, and that’s why some people don’t like to take inventory and get realistic. When I’m life coaching people, I go through the different categories of their life: their physical life, mental, which is the clarity of the mind, their job, their family, their spiritual life, their social life. When you have a setback, most times it hits all those areas of your life. It could be a problem with your job, but it could hit you physically. We’re holistic beings. Your mind, your family—it can hit the whole thing. So taking inventory is tedious, but you got to do it because now we know what we’re dealing with, and then we can find ways to go forward. So awake, aware, take inventory. The fourth one is you got to find the right partners. Whether a sobriety coach for some, a life coach, a pastor, a rabbi, a priest, or some form of a mentor, you’ve got to find the right partners in your life.
 

You recently said that for those partners to be right, they need to have the same mindset and motives that you have. What are you looking for in their mindset and motives?

Tim Storey: There are three categories of partners in our life. One is usually like, “Hey, how are you doing?” Two is somebody that is a little closer to you, that maybe you’ll go to a Dodger game with. You’ll share some of your secrets and intimacies and things about your life with them. The third level of partnership is that really deep level of partnership that most people don’t really have in their lives. So I always say to people, do not share your problems with level one people, and do not even share your problems with level two people. You need to find some level three people who have similar mindset and motives.

What happens if I share some of my weaknesses with level one and two people?

Tim Storey: Most times, they do not understand you because their mindset is different than your mindset. The people we’re usually drawn to are the people in that third level who have similar mindsets and motives. It’s very important. You can really lose time, lose energy, and even lose your way by sharing your problems with level one and level two people. Most people do that because they’re handy. They’re right there in front of you.

Here’s the great thing about life today—it’s not the same as when I grew up in the sixties and seventies. We have access to things like TED Talks, mastermind classes, podcasts like yours. It is a different day. So I could pick Richard Branson’s brain today and take a bunch of his great ideas without even knowing him. We have access to things we’ve never had access to before. So 100%. It’s not always about talking to somebody, but it’s maybe reading a Brene Brown book on daring bravely.

What comes next after I find partners with the motives and the mindset that I want to have?

Tim Storey: So now you’ve got your team, okay, so you create a team, and now we’re going to start pulling you out of your setback. But what you need to do is cooperate, and this is so powerful. Most people do not cooperate with their comeback because they’re into guilt, shame, regret, anger, and then they cement themselves in the setback position. So the comeback team is here, here we are, right? We’re trying to pull you out. But you’re like, “Nah, I deserve this crap. Look what I did.”

The cool thing about, like in the realm of God, is that the Bible says he does not treat you as your sins deserve. A lot of people think they deserve something bad because of their past actions. But God does not treat you as your sins deserve, for as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those that fear him. He knows your frame, he knows your structure, he knows you have flaws. So, he can get you through it.

What role does goal setting or having a vision for the future impact that comeback?

Tim Storey: Everything, because a promise brings hope and expectation. When my father said to me when I was seven, “Timmy, we’re going to Disneyland on Saturday, I got free tickets from somebody at my job,” man, he should not have told me on Wednesday. Wednesday night I was bothering him. Thursday I was bothering him. Friday I was bothering him. A promise brings hope and expectation. Any client I deal with, I always try to help them see the promise. There’s a promise.

Give us some examples of comebacks that you’re inspired by.

Tim Storey: Well, I think that I’m obviously inspired by Robert Downey Jr. I serve on a board with him. We’re doing something called ARC, helping to reform people that are in prison or come out of prison. Robert’s a great friend of mine. When you think about it, he had a problem with addiction, worked through the addiction problem over a long period of time. He was able to stop shaming himself, stop feeling guilty, and let the setback be the setback, then get the right partners around him, which he did. I was around during that whole process. Then he got a break playing Iron Man. If you ever have him on your podcast, you’ll know he didn’t see Iron Man as being the giant breakthrough. He just saw it as being another part he would play.

So now it turned him into this mega, mega star, bringing him over $50 million a year. That’s a lot of money. And so, I mean, that’s a great example of a guy that was on the cover of Newsweek magazine, followed the principles of the comeback, and when the LA Times interviewed him, he talked about me being his coach and the things that I told him about the greater the setback, the greater the comeback. And he bought into it.

Everybody’s been through something. So it’s kind of like, “I suck, now what?” People will say, “You suck.” Okay, so I suck. What do you want me to do? Stay in my setback, stay in detention forever? I deal with a lot of men who have done things they should not have done, and my thing to them is, “Okay, you suck, now what?” Admit that you blew it, deal with it, and let’s go. But you might have a limp for a while. I’m not going to say you’re not going to have a limp. You may have a scar, you may be tarnished in some people’s eyes, but who cares? God’s opinion of me makes man’s opinion irrelevant. I’m not looking for everybody’s approval, and I really mean that.

What about your own life? What’s an example of a setback that you’ve experienced, and how were you able to turn that into a comeback?

Tim Storey: There have been a few, but it’d be easy to say relationships, because a couple of those didn’t go the way I wanted them to. But let’s go to my brother’s death. My brother died. He was three years older than me, an engineer at McDonnell Douglas, super smart guy, excellent at things I was not. He could fix cars. One time, when he was probably 17, he bought a Volkswagen, broke it all the way down to where it was all on the floor, just to build it back up to see if he could do it.

While adding better parts to it at 17. And he started with alcohol and stayed with alcohol, which became his destruction. He ended up passing away at an early age while he was an engineer for McDonnell Douglas. That was hard to get through because I tried to throw him so many lifelines. A lot of guilt. Here I am, the life coach to the stars, and my own brother passes like right there next to me. That was a tough one, and it probably realistically took me about 10 years to get through. So I had to play injured. I had to keep speaking my comeback message while I was playing injured.

Today’s decisions are tomorrow’s realities. That’s a Tim Storey quote. Do you think I want to go to the gym five days a week? Heck, no, I do it because I need to. I need to be alive, I need to push my body. I really want to just go through McDonald’s drive-thru, get the deluxe breakfast, and go home and watch the news. But I go to the gym because I have to. Today’s decisions are tomorrow’s realities.

How would you suggest we try to avoid setbacks in our lives?

Tim Storey: Well, I think you can avoid some, but some are life interruptions created by people in your family, someone you married, your own children. But you can avoid certain setbacks through wisdom. As you grow in wisdom, you will minimize your setbacks, not necessarily in age. People always say the older you get, the wiser you get. Not necessarily. I know a lot of people who are 70 that are not that wise. So you got to grow in wisdom. 

Part of that wisdom would be who we surround ourselves with.

Tim Storey: 100%. You have to really learn to value yourself, to where you see yourself as something valuable, and that not everybody should hear your inner feelings and thoughts. You know, a Bible verse says, “Do not cast your pearls before people who don’t get it.” So I would agree with you on that one.

What is the upside of a comeback? 

Tim Storey: Do you mind if I do the Rocky theme as I say this? Just think of the Rocky theme. Dun dun, da-da-dun, da-da-dun, da-da-dun. You turn your mess into your message, your test into your testimony. You become an example for other people that are in a setback. You can get through it. You become a billboard for an incredible life. Heck, yes, I’m a walking billboard. A lot of times when I show up places, people will say, “Oh my God, dude, I saw you like in 1983. You almost look the same.” Or, “My God, it’s awesome, you’re still at it.” No, you become a comeback for a better life. It’s brilliant. I love being a comeback guy. I really do.

If somebody’s reading this today and they’re struggling with something, what would you say to them? 

Tim Storey: Here’s what I want to say to you. There are seasons in life. There’s a time to be silent, there’s a time to speak, there’s a time to tear and a time to mend. It was a song by the Birds in 1968. Became number one in the UK and number five in America. It was taken from Ecclesiastes, chapter three. There are seasons in life, so maybe you’re in a season of silence. A season of silence is a whisper where your life seems very quiet. Take that season, that’s a whisper, and turn it into a library and a sanctuary. A library of learning and getting stronger, a sanctuary of getting to know yourself and realizing there’s a time to be silent and a time to speak. The speaking time will come again, where life brings you more volume. So when you’re left in that season of silence, know that very soon you’re going to get right. Sometimes you got to go left before you get right.