Unlocking Your Creative Zen Through the Magic of Poetry and Art – An Interview with Sandi Duverneuil

What happens when an apparent heart attack is actually a panic attack?

Sandi Duverneuil shares how she landed in the hospital undergoing numerous tests to ultimately find out that it was her high-pressure corporate job causing panic attacks seemingly out of nowhere. In this heart-opening conversation, Sandi unpacks how she found her creative zen through painting and poetry and how you can, too!

Having recently returned from living in France, she shares her love for cultural connections and language as a powerful bridge between worlds. We talk all about her painting, wearable art, and her first book entitled “Dragonfly Dances: Poetic Musings on Life.” In fact, she reads two poems from the book – one in English and another in French. You will absolutely love them!

After moving back to the United States, what do you miss and not miss about living in France? 

Sandi Duverneuil: I’d say I miss the French healthcare system—it was fantastic. I also miss the transportation system. In Nice, I could hop on a train and be in Italy in 20 minutes; it’s so efficient when there aren’t strikes. And, of course, I miss the smell of freshly baked croissants and baguettes on the street. What I don’t miss is the bureaucracy. Everyone laughs about it, but it’s true—it can take forever to get anything done.

Did you already speak French fluently before moving to France? 

Sandi Duverneuil: Yes. People often ask why I chose French over Spanish. Growing up, my childhood friend was French-American, and I wanted to speak with her mom, who was from France. Later, I did my undergraduate studies at the Université de Montréal in French, although I minored in East Asian Studies and also learned Japanese.

I took two years of German in high school, which has been useless. I wish I’d taken Spanish. 

Sandi Duverneuil: I tried German—it’s really tough!

Now that you live in Pennsylvania, do you still get to use French, or do you miss speaking it daily? 

Sandi Duverneuil: Yes, it’s a big adjustment. Luckily, I work for Penn State in international faculty advising, so I occasionally get to use French with international faculty or students. French is spoken in so many places, so it’s fun to use it when I can.

Could you share your story of spiritual awakening? Did you grow up with spirituality or did it come later in life? 

Sandi Duverneuil: Growing up, I like to call myself someone who “dropped out of church” at age four, but that’s a whole other story. Later in life, I got into spirituality and mindfulness. I was working a high-pressure job at Bloomberg BNA in the Washington, D.C., area, where the energy is constant hustle. It’s like being on a hamster wheel.

I was working on a high-profile project, and I didn’t realize how much stress was affecting me until I found myself on the Metro platform feeling like I was having a heart attack. I thought, “I can’t collapse here—who’s going to take care of my kids?” I went to the doctor, assuming he’d tell me I had a heart problem. After running tests, he came back and told me, “You’re having panic attacks.” I was stunned. I’d never experienced that and had no idea what it was. It was my body’s way of telling me to slow down and take care of myself. That was a huge awakening for me.

I knew something had to change, and I found that creative outlets were the best way to manage my stress. 

How many years ago was that, and how did it change your daily life? 

Sandi Duverneuil: That was back in 2015, and it really made me ask myself if my 9-5 job was meeting my needs and aligning with my life purpose. I’ve always had two paths: publishing, which has always been part of my life, and international education, including intercultural communication work. I worked with a career coach, Denise Fowler—the “career happiness coach,” so that tells you everything.

She helped me realize I wasn’t where I needed to be. She even guided me through visualizations to picture where I was happiest. I ended up course-correcting, moving from the high-stress publishing environment to international education. That’s how I became an international student advisor, and now I work in international faculty advising.

You have served the world in so many ways including publishing, international advising, coaching, and even being an artist. When people ask you, “what do you do?”…what do you say?

Sandi Duverneuil: I used to resist that. In human design, they call it being a “manifesting generator,” meaning you’re multi-purpose and multi-passionate. My paternal side encouraged me to go into business and make lots of money, but that’s not what I wanted. I really wanted to serve and help people. One of my most rewarding roles in international education was teaching English in Japan for two years. That was fabulous. 

How old were you when you did that?

Sandi Duverneuil: Most people in the JET program join right after their bachelor’s degree, but I was one of the later-in-life participants.

I found out on Saturday that I was accepted into the Japan Exchange Teaching Program, and on Monday, I found out I was expecting a second child. I thought, “This is interesting.” I even asked my doctor to omit my pregnancy on the medical clearance form, just in case they tried to rescind the contract.

When I arrived in Japan, I explained to my supervisor, “Hey, I’m expecting a second child; I already have one.” He was hilarious. He said, “Don’t worry, Sandi Sensei. We had a teacher last year who was pregnant. I know how to handle the paperwork; don’t worry about it.” 

What does “creative zen” mean to you, and how has creativity influenced your life? 

Sandi Duverneuil: A lot of my life, creativity was kind of locked up inside of me. Parents mean well, but they’ll say, “You’re the analytical, scientific one,” so they don’t encourage creativity. In first grade, I started writing little short stories. I had one called “Call Me Turtle,” about going to auctions with my mom, where she bought antiques. I would help carry things back. Then it kind of shut down, and it was all about studying the sciences and being serious.

When I was under stress, I didn’t realize I was having panic attacks. My ex-spouse, who was an artist, looked at me one day and said, “Here’s a blank canvas, some paints, and a paintbrush. Just paint.” I thought he was crazy and asked, “What am I supposed to do with this? I can’t even draw a stick figure.” He replied, “You don’t have to think about it. Just do anything. Don’t try to draw anything; just do it.”

I said, “Okay, let me try.” I put on some relaxing music—what’s relaxing to me can also be energetic—and I started painting. I was shocked because I couldn’t draw a stick figure, and I had never even drawn a person. It was like a creative download happened on the canvas. I would look back and realize I didn’t even plan to paint this; it just kind of happened. I would have these brushstrokes, and then a person would appear, for example.

How can someone get into a state of creative zen?

Sandi Duverneuil: It’s really about getting into a state of flow where you enjoy what you’re doing. You pick something you might not even realize you enjoy. It might not be, “Oh, I love painting; let me go paint.” It could be about exploring something different and not being afraid.

It’s about overcoming those blocks. Many times, there are subconscious blocks like, “Oh, I’m just not creative.” There might also be a fear of judgment, like, “What if I wrote a poem, and nobody liked it?” It’s really about tapping into your willingness to express yourself.

“Floating Femme” by Sandi Duverneuil

One of the ways you have expressed yourself is through a painting. Talk to us about how that has played out in your life and how you’ve created a fashion line as well.

Sandi Duverneuil: For painting, my preferred medium is canvas and acrylic paints. They are easier for me. Oil is beautiful, but I don’t have the patience for it. I’ve experimented with watercolor, but acrylics have been my jam. I also enjoy mixed media, like collages.

At one point, I focused more on photography. I would take some of my photographs, chop out little bits, and apply them to the canvas or transform them into digital art. I discovered that it was interesting to think about how this could be used in fashion.

I found a place in Montreal where you upload photos of your artwork. You can then choose to make a dress, pants, or something else, and they’ll transform your art into fabulous fashion. I was amazed. It was like, wow, this is my artwork, and now it’s wearable. Art is so cool!

What motivated you to publish your first book entitled Dragonfly Dances: Poetic Musings on Life? 

Sandi Duverneuil: Dragonfly Dances has a very special place in my heart, and I’ll explain why. Last year, my mom, who had been battling cancer, saw her health decline rapidly. I had to fly back from France to Asheville to care for her and advocate for her health.

One of the last conversations I had with my mom was at her hospital bed. At that time, we thought things were going to get better. I told her, “Mom, I’ve got all these book ideas inside my head, and I just haven’t put them out there yet.” I will never forget the look on her face when she looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes and a smile, saying, “Just go do it.”

A couple of weeks later, my mom passed. I felt I had made a promise to her, and I needed to honor that promise, not only to her but to myself.

As for the title Dragonfly Dances, people often ask about the dragonfly. A few months later, in the summer after my mom passed, my sister and I went to Asheville to clear out our mom’s house. It was stressful to go through our parents’ belongings. I decided to take a break and grab some lunch.

On my way back, I was stopped at a stoplight, alone in the car, thinking out loud, “Mom, why is this so difficult? Why does this have to be so hard?” I had never seen a dragonfly during all my visits to Asheville. But out of nowhere came a beautiful dragonfly buzzing around the windshield. I instantly felt like my mom was telling me, “You’re going to be okay.”

After lunch, I went back upstairs to continue clearing out my mom’s things. The first thing I pulled out of her closet was a t-shirt I had never seen before that had a dragonfly on it. I said, “Okay, I got the message.” The dragonfly is a nod to my mom. She’s always with me. Two of the poems are titled “Dragonfly,” one in English and one in French. 

Why did you choose to publish poems instead of something more autobiographical or about your mom? 

Sandi Duverneuil: I am actually working on a memoir from my time in France, but I wanted my first publication to be poetry. I found that poetry had a healing effect on me as I processed the grief from losing my mom. It just came naturally.

I would often be up in the middle of the night, still upset and raw with grief, pouring my heart into poetry. I felt better afterward, with a sense of calm coming over me. That’s how I decided to take the lead with poetry.

It’s funny you mentioned memoir because I am currently integrating everything that happened while I was in France and writing a slice of memoir about that time. 

Would you mind reading a couple of poems for us?

Sandi Duverneuil: I’m going to start with “Magic Carpet,” on page 32.

Close your eyes
Magic carpet
Made of bath towels
Naptime
Drifting off, then
Brutally awakened

“Stop talking!”
Yelled the kindergarten teacher

Connected the dots
So many years later
That is why
She didn’t speak her truth.

That one is based on an actual experience. While doing a lot of inner work, I wanted to understand why I was always hesitant to speak up. I retraced my steps back to a time when I remember getting yelled at during nap time when I wasn’t even talking. 

Thank you for sharing that. There’s beautiful font treatment throughout the book that adds a fun touch. 

Sandi Duverneuil: I was fortunate to work with a brilliant interior book designer while I was in France. She brought the poetry to life. She was more than just a typesetter; she truly was an artist.

Can you tell us about the cover and the meaning behind it? 

Sandi Duverneuil: For those who don’t see it, the cover features a young girl looking towards the horizon. Behind her is her shadow, shaped like a dragonfly. This represents both my younger self and my future self. The dragonfly symbolizes transformation and reminds me that, even though my mom has passed away, she is still here, guiding me. 

Would you mind reading another poem for us?

Sandi Duverneuil: Sure. I’ll do one in French, which I don’t expect you to understand. I’ll explain what it’s about afterward; it will sound beautiful.

La Mer

Tes vagues douces
Qui enlèvent et lavent
Tous mes soucis
Mes peines et
Mes douleurs.

Tes vagues fortes
Qui secouent
Qui me réveillent
Qui brassent.

Ton sable tant voulu
Oui, ces galets niçois, quelle galère.

Ton ciel bleu
Et ton soleil qui brille
Jour après jour.

Les rayons de soleil
Dansent comme une ballerine sur l’eau
Scintillent comme des diamants
Miroitant comme des fées.

Tes profondeurs
Changent avec tes couleurs
Tes nuances
Bleuâtre
Verdâtre
Chaque jour tu évolues.

La mer nous écoute
Elle ne juge pas
Elle reçoit
Nos méditations, espoirs, nos rêves.

La mer nous redonne la force
Évacuant notre chagrin
Elle nous remplit de vie.

You might wonder what that is about. It’s pretty much a poem titled La Mer, which means “the sea” or “the ocean.” For me, it could refer to the Mediterranean Sea, where I spent time living in Nice, or the Atlantic Ocean, as I grew up near the beach in Southampton, New York.

In this poem, I describe how the soft waves wash away your sorrows and worries. The stronger waves wake you up and shake things up. I mention the sand because walking on the beach is a grounding experience. I express how much I miss the sand of Nice since they have more rocks there.

I also talk about the blue sky and the shining sun, which uplift spirits. I wanted the poem to elevate people’s moods. The sunlight dances across the water like a ballerina, shining like diamonds.

I describe the different colors of the Mediterranean Sea, which constantly shifts and changes from bluish to greenish. I highlight how this evolution reflects personal growth and spirituality. The sea listens to us; it doesn’t judge us. It receives our meditations, dreams, and hopes.

The sea gives back to us, providing a life force. It takes away sorrow and fills us with life, making it a very spiritual poem. Interestingly, I found that the French poems I wrote were even more spiritual. They had more references to nature and tapped into my spirituality in a unique way. 

How did the process of writing and putting the poems together help you grieve your mom’s passing? 

Sandi Duverneuil: For me, it was very helpful because it gave me an opportunity to honor my mom. There’s a preface that explains the reason for the book.

From start to finish, I thought, “Okay, I’ve done this.” In my mind, it was like saying, “Hey, Mom, I did it.” I’m a Virgo, by the way, so for those astrologers out there, I’m very methodical. That part wasn’t difficult.

Once I decided to commit, everything just happened. It set the wheels in motion. Still, when I look at the book and read from it, it reminds me how short life is.

When you have projects you keep putting off, like saying, “Someday I’ll write that book” or “Someday I’ll paint that painting,” it reminds you that life is short. You should go do it. 

On your website, you write, “There are no rules when it comes to creative expression. There’s only the way that feels life-giving to you. Your creative zen shines when you let your hair down, shred of any imposter syndrome and don’t give an F about what anyone else thinks.” Do you feel you are living this statement? If so, how did you get to that point?

Sandi Duverneuil: I feel like I’m finally in a season of life where I really don’t care what people think anymore. Many of us worry, “Is my work good enough? Am I good enough?” I’ve reached a point where it’s time to stop seeking validation from others.

I think you reach that point in life, whether it’s through inner work or various healing processes. For me, the pandemic was very helpful for that inner healing. Losing my mom after a four-year battle with aggressive cancer forced me to evaluate what really matters.

Letting my creative zen shine is about releasing anxiety and perfectionism. I joke that I’m a recovering type A person. Now, I just let it go and let go of the fear of what others will think and the need for control.

It’s funny to talk about control. One reason I didn’t pursue a publisher is because of a former co-worker who is a published author. She had her books published by a traditional publisher, but she asked for the rights back to republish and self-publish to retain artistic control. I wanted that artistic control too, which is why I decided to self-publish my book instead of working with a traditional publishing company. 

Please tell us about your coaching. How do you serve and help people?

Sandi Duverneuil: I help high achievers embrace the magical power of poetry to unlock their creative zen and finally get unstuck. This looks like one-on-one intensive coaching sessions where we work on identifying and releasing those blocks to tap into your creative zen. More details will be available on the website. 

Your website is peoniesandprose.com How did you come up with the name Peonies and Prose? 

Sandi Duverneuil: Peonies and prose has a special meaning in my family. Growing up, we visited my favorite aunt and uncle, whose backyard was filled with gorgeous, fragrant peonies, depending on the season. I ended up purchasing their home when they moved into assisted living, so my backyard was filled with these peonies.

When we decided to move to Japan, we sold the house. Before we turned over the keys, my sister, who also lived in the D.C. area, asked if she could dig up some of the peony bulbs to keep. Those peonies had been in our family since the 1960s, so they held special meaning for us. My aunt and uncle always inspired me to travel. When I returned from Japan, my sister gifted me some of those peonies. There’s always been a strong attachment to peonies.

If someone feels stuck in life or business, maybe bored or struggling to be creative, what practical advice would you give them to help let go and find their creative flow? 

Sandi Duverneuil: I recommend picking something easy, whether you want to write or paint. Choose something accessible that doesn’t require learning a lot of skills, and just start doing it.

Personally, I put on some music. I have a crazy playlist with songs from around the world in different languages. To psych myself out, I tell myself to try it for just 20 minutes. Believe it or not, those 20 minutes often turn into two to three hours because you get into that creative flow. Just release any judgment—don’t judge yourself.

Other ways work for different people. Some might find creativity through movement, like dancing or spending time in nature to ground themselves. It really depends on the person, and in coaching, we discuss what works best for each individual. Everyone’s unique.

If you’re interested in connecting with Sandi about her Unlock Your Creative Zen coaching program, visit her website at peoniesandprose.com along with her Instagram @peonies_prose or her LinkedIn. 

Sandi, I appreciate your heart and generosity today. I love how you’re serving humanity and making a difference. Thank you for your book, and I’m grateful your mom nudged you to get it done.

Sandi Duverneuil: Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. I love what you’re doing with the Awakened platform, all the interviews, and articles. Thank you for creating this space.