Untangling the Web of Worry

When our first daughter came into the world, something I never expected showed up alongside her. Sure, there were beautiful gifts, home-cooked meals, and unending well-wishes, but something else also entered my life. 

WORRY!

It’s not as though I didn’t worry before becoming a mother, but parenthood took it to another level. With three kids, I‘ve found that the opportunities to worry don’t exactly decrease. They only increase, especially as kids start driving!

The truth is that worry can plague us, control us, and even define us, especially as mothers. Some of us define ourselves by the degree of concern (worry) we carry around. 

“I’m just so stressed!” is what we tell each other. 

Many see stress as a badge of honor. The more stressed I am, the more busy I must be and the more valuable I am. In reality, stress is just a bucket that our culture has used to lump together everything that worries us, and at the bottom of that heavy bucket is our faithful friend – FEAR. We’re fearful that everything won’t go just right for our kids, and somehow, they won’t be set up to win or have the best possible experience in life. 

Worry is fear disguised as caring. Our nervous system responds to something that has yet to happen. It is purely our reaction to an illusion. Worry is inaccurate if you think about it, preventing us from being present. 

Our greatest gift to our children is our presence, yet worrying robs us of being in the moment. 

Mary Engelbright writes, “Worrying won’t empty tomorrow of its troubles; it empties today of its strength.” 

Epictetus challenged the reality of what we’re worried about when he wrote, “Man is not worried about real problems, so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.”

If I had known how much I was going to WORRY as a mother, I’m not sure I would have had three kids! Thankfully, we don’t think this way when we are young. We’re excited to become parents and have no clue of the unending opportunities to worry that are in front of us. We do our best until one day, your child says something so profound and sensible that it has you re-evaluating your identity as a worried parent.

One day, as we were having an after-dinner conversation with the family, I brought up (again) my concern about how she was handling a situation in her life. I wanted to ensure she did everything possible to avoid falling into an old pattern that would not serve her well. 

With her eyes full of wisdom and frustration, she said, “But Mom, your WORRY is worrying me! I’m having anxiety over the fact that you’re worried about me.”

She caught me off guard.

She continued, “I’m not worried….Why should you be? I’ve worked hard to get to this place, and I won’t mess it up. I feel like you don’t trust me.” 

I started to see how I had weaved a web of worry around her to protect her from the challenges of our world. Not only was my worry impacting me, but now it was impacting her too!

As a somatic coach and healer, I know that the body does not distinguish what we tell ourselves as true or false. It simply registers everything as truth. Therefore, the worrying thoughts that form part of our daily stories become words we hold at the cellular level. Thus, they impact us by forming layer after layer of stress and anxiety that become lodged inside as a belief system, which later can turn into a chronic condition or illness. 

So, let’s not diminish the power of our thoughts and words. We should carefully choose how we think and speak to ourselves about what has not yet happened. Let’s understand the effects of unnecessary worry about our life circumstances because circumstances will remain the same whether or not we worry about them. 

Is it possible that you’ve weaved a web of worry? Do you feel stuck and unable to break free from all the things that might go wrong in your life or those you love? What if that web of worry is impacting your physical health?

TAKE ACTION: Spend a few moments reflecting on the questions above. If you’re curious to explore this deeper, from a somatic perspective, book a free Discovery Call with Maria!