Want a Hug?

Do you ever just want a hug?

I’m talking about a genuine hug that wraps around you.

That lingers for a minute.

That makes you feel like everything will be ok.

From someone you trust.

From someone you value.

I wished for a hug like that recently when things felt a bit rocky. 

And I thought about it – who do I know that could offer me a hug like that? A real heartfelt hug to make me feel better?

I thought about my childhood, when…and from whom I might have received a hug like that. 

I searched my memory files, trying to find where I’d kept that feeling I craved. 

Where would I find the file for that experience? Would it have been from a grandmother?

Maybe that was it. 

But in those recent moments, I knew one thing…I wanted that type of hug. My inner child needed it. And I couldn’t think of anyone that I could go to who could offer it.

Some people dismiss the value of a hug, but I’ve read that even a 7-second hug can lessen stress and promote a happier feeling. Just that short time can trigger the release of the hormone oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the love hormone. 

No wonder you would feel better after that big bear hug!

But, for me at least, it can’t come from just anyone. 

Sure, we may hug our family or friends when we greet them or say goodbye. I’m not discounting those hugs. They have real value in my eyes. 

The kind of ‘everything will be ok’ hug is meaningless unless it comes from the right person. 

And when you get to a certain point in your life…ahem…a certain age maybe…it seems like more of a struggle to find that right person. At least that’s how it seemed to me in those rocky moments. And it actually made me feel a bit sad. 

Not in a dramatic way, in an honest one.

This wasn’t about wiping away the tears from a scraped knee.

It was about navigating grown-up situations and the emotions attached to them.

And then I had another, quieter, realization. 

If I truly live by my personal policies…
If I truly believe I am the Queen of my own Queendom…
Then what happens when I’m the one who needs the hug?

Because in those rocky moments, what I was really wanting wasn’t just arms around my body.

It was comfort.

Reassurance.

A feeling of safety.

Permission to not have it all together for a minute.

And that’s when it came to me:

Part of this might be learning how to become my own safe place.

Not in a tough, closed-off way.
But in a gentle, steady, I’m here with you kind of way.

It’s learning to stand up for myself without becoming hardened.
To say what’s true without apology.
To stop shrinking my needs just to keep the peace.

And at the very same time, it’s also about being more intentional with who I allow close.

About choosing a community that feels supportive, not draining.
Safe, not conditional.
The kind of people where a hug actually means something.

My inner child wasn’t asking me to go find the perfect person to make it better.
She was asking me to stay.

To slow down.
To soften the expectations.
To remind her that she isn’t alone.

This is what a personal policy can look like in real life:

“I don’t rush myself through hard moments.”
“I let myself feel what’s true.”
“I stand up for myself with kindness.”
“I choose a connection that feels safe.”

And maybe this is one of the less obvious lessons that comes with time.

Not more strength.
Not thicker skin.

But more gentleness with ourselves.
More trust.
More discernment about who we open our arms to.

Because being the Queen of your Queendom doesn’t mean you never need a hug.

It means you no longer abandon yourself when you do.

Sometimes the hug I need most

isn’t from arms —

It’s permission to pause, straighten my crown, and quietly reclaim my Queendom.

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