What Does It Really Mean To Do The “Inner Work”?
Yasmin Elzomor is a transformational guide, spiritual mentor, speaker, author, and podcast host of Humanity Feels. She helps people reclaim their power, embody their truth, and create freedom in love, intimacy, and life. Learn more at www.yasminelzomor.com and www.visualswithyasmin.com.
Everyone talks about doing the inner work. Very few people are actually doing it.
You know what I see a lot of? People who meditate every morning, have a journaling practice, go on silent retreats, burn sage, pull tarot cards, and read every self-help book they can get their hands on – and who still can’t have a hard conversation without shutting down, blowing up, or running away. None of this is inner work; it’s avoidance.
Listen, I’m not knocking meditation or journaling. Those practices have their place. But somewhere along the way, we collectively decided that “inner work” means going inward and staying there – retreating into your own head and your own rituals. And we use this as an excuse to run away from hard things in the name of “protecting our peace”.
The inner work happens in relationships. It happens when your significant other says something that triggers you, and in that moment, you have to decide whether you’re going to react the same way you always have or change the pattern once and for all. It happens when a friend disappoints you, and you have to figure out how to tell them. It happens when you make a mistake at work, and you have to sit with the discomfort of accountability instead of placing the blame on others. This is where the real inner work lives. When there’s friction, rupture, or when you want to run away instead of facing the situation.
Conflict avoidance is one of the most common ways people bypass the real work. People will spend years in therapy talking about their childhood, getting new insight, developing a whole vocabulary for their patterns, but then they’ll still refuse to tell their sister that what she said hurt them. They’ll still people please their way through every difficult relationship. They’ll still go silent when they need to speak up. And insight without any behavior changes isn’t real healing.
None of this is comfortable, and that’s the point. Comfort isn’t the goal of growth. The goal is capacity – the ability to handle more of life without collapsing, numbing, or blaming. You can feel when people have done the real inner work; they know how to sit with discomfort, and they can be in the fire of life with you. They can admit when they’re wrong or when they don’t know something without their whole identity crumbling. This is the “inner work”. It’s relational and behavioral. It’s about how you choose to show up when things get hard, not just when things feel light and fluffy.
Start with one relationship. One conversation you’ve been avoiding. One apology you owe someone. One boundary you need to set. One pattern you keep repeating and blaming on someone else. Go to the deep end…that’s where your inner work is waiting for you.
TAKE ACTION: Notice the conversations, boundaries, or patterns you keep avoiding, because that is often where the real inner work begins. Healing is not just about insight; it is about how you show up in relationships, accountability, and discomfort. Explore more of Yasmin Elzomor’s work on emotional growth, self-awareness, and transformation.
"Go to the deep end…that’s where your inner work is waiting for you."
Yasmin Elzomor is a writer and shadow-work guide dedicated to helping people understand themselves on a deeper level. Her work explores self-discovery, personal growth, and the emotional patterns that shape our lives. Through writing and mentorship, she invites readers to face their inner challenges, gain clarity, and transform the parts of themselves they’ve been avoiding.
Read more from Yasmin Elzomor or connect with her on Instagram (@yasminelzomor and @visualswithyasmin), or on her websites (www.yasminelzomor.com and www.visualswithyasmin.com).
